Medicine — most viewed jokes

"Great news, Mr. Oscarson," the psychiatrist reported. "After eighteen months of therapy, I can pronounce you finally and completely cured of your kleptomania. You'll never be trapped by the desire to steal again."

"Gee, that's great, Doc," the patient replied.

"And just to prove it, I want you to stop by Sears on the way home and walk the length of the store. You'll see - you'll feel no temptation to shoplift whatsoever."

"Oh, Doctor, whatever can I do to thank you?"

"Well," suggested the psychiatrist, "if you DO have a relapse, I could use a new microwave."

- You seem to be in excellent health. Your pulse is as regular as clockwork.

- That's because you've got your hand on my watch!

Hair Disorders by Dan Druff

Dr. Dave's Dental-Chair Discovery: Dentists are incapable of asking questions that require a simple yes or no answer.

When pigs get a toothache, who do they see?
→ Painless Porker.

- Doctor, I get the feeling that people don't give a hoot about anything I say.

- So?

A man goes into the optician and asks for his eyes to be tested because he suspected short sightedness. The optician took the man outside and pointed to the sky saying "What's that up there?".

The man replied "why.. that's the sun...!".

On that the optician said, "How far do you want to see sir!"

A lady goes to the dentist. In the chair, the dentist notices a little brown spot on one of her teeth.

"Aha, cavity! I'll have to drill this one out!" says the dentist.

"Oh no, I'd rather have a child!!!" cries the lady.

"In that case, I will have to adjust the chair first" replies the dentist.

A woman walks into the local pharmacy and ask's to see sanitary napkins.

The pharmacist replies, "We have mini-pads and maxi-pads, which do you prefer?"

The woman asks, "What's the difference?"

Pharmacist replies, "It depends on what you flow is like!"

Woman replies, "My flo? My flo is linoleum!"

I just had the doctor remove an ugly growth from my back. It was my mother-in-law.