Medicine — most viewed jokes

There is a new Barbie doll on the market -

Manic-Depressive Barbie ...with a set of Oriental throwing knives

What do accountants suffer from that ordinary people don't?
→ Depreciation.

• Schizophrenia -- Do You Hear What I Hear?
• Multiple Personality -- We Three Queens Disoriented Are
• Dementia -- I Think I'll Be Home For Christmas
• Narcissistic -- Hark the Herald Angels Sing (About Me)
• Mania -- Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and... or Deck the Halls and Spare No Expenses
• Borderline Personality -- Thoughts of Roasting in an Open Fire
• Paranoia -- Santa Claus is Coming To Get Me
• Personality Disorder -- You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry. I'm Gonna Pout, then MAYBE I'll Tell You Why
• Depression -- Silent Anhedonia, Holy Anhedonia. All is Calm, All is Pretty Lonely
• Obsessive Compulsive -- Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock...
• Passive Aggressive -- On the First Day of Christmas My Mother Gave to Me... (And Then Took it All Away)

The room was full of pregnant women and their partners, and the class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly, along with informing the men how to give the necessary assurances at this stage of the plan.

The teacher then announced, "Ladies, exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial. And, Gentlemen, it wouldn't hurt you to take the time to go walking with your partner!"

The room really got quiet.

Finally, a man in the middle of the group raised his hand.

"Yes?" replied the teacher.

"Is it all right if she carries a golf bag while we walk?"

"Will the father be present during the birth?" asked the obstetrician.
"Nah," replied the mother-to-be, "He and my husband don't get along."

The doctor comes to see his heart transplant patient.

"This is good news. It is very unusual, but we have two donors to choose from for your new heart."

The patient is pleased. He asks, "What were their jobs?"

"One was a teacher and the other was an accountant."

"I'll take the accountant's heart," says the patient. "I want one that hasn't been used."

A man walks in for a sale rep job. He is very qualitfied, but he has a nervous twitch, and his left eye is always winking. So he speaks with the manager and the manager says, "Well sir, you are very well qualified for the job, but people have to be comfortable around a sales rep. and that eye thing is really freaky." The man smiles and says, "Oh that, I just take some Tylenol and it goes away."

So the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a condom, he takes several more condoms out and finally finds some Tylenol. He takes two Tylenol and the eye twitch goes away. The manager frowns, "Sir, I'm sorry but our company does not like womanizers. I don't like the look of all those condoms." The man chuckles, "Oh, I'm no womanizer... but do you know how hard it is to buy Tylenol at a drug store with your eye contantly winking?"

Three buddies die in a car crash, and they go to heaven to an orientation. They are all asked, "When you are in your casket and friends and family are mourning upon you, what would you like to hear them say about you?"

The first guy says, "I would like to hear them say that I was a great doctor of my time, and a great family man."

The second guy says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher which made a huge difference in our children of tomorrow."

The last guy replies, "I would like to hear them say, 'Look! He's moving!'"

A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman's face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny. So the husband offered to donate some of his own skin. However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks.

The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter.

After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman's new beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever had before! All her friends and relatives just went on and on about her youthful beauty!

One day, she was alone with her husband, and she was overcome with emotion at his sacrifice. She said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. How can I possibly repay you?"

"My darling," he replied, "I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek."

There were three ladies at the obstetrician's office, waiting to see what their results were. When the first young woman came back to the waiting room, she was very happy.

"I'm going to have a boy!" she declared. "The doctor said that if my husband was on top, I would have a boy."

When the second young woman came back, she was very happy, too. "I'm going to have a girl! The doctor said that if I was on top, I would have a girl."

Suddenly, the third young woman burst into tears. The other two tried to console her, but all she could say was "I'm going to have a puppy!"