Medicine — most viewed jokes

A woman orders a chicken sandwhich and starts to choke.

People are running frantically, trying to figure out what to do. Two homosexuals sitting in the corner wisper to each other and run in front of the choking lady. One strips out of his overalls, bends over butt naked in front of his friend. His friend proceeds to lick the other's ass.

Upon seeing this, the lady vomits forcing the lodged food from her throat. After making sure the lady is OK, the two homosexuals return to their food.

One turns to the other and says, "Wow, that hind-lick manuever really works!"

A dentist is talking to his patient about the sanitary problems some of his fellow dentists were facing. He said that one of his friends was touring a latex glove factory in Mexico, and saw how they make the gloves. One person would stick his hand in the melted latex, walk over to a vat of cooling water, then dip his hand in it to solidify the latex. The glove was then thrown in a finished products box. The dentist's patient was disgusted by the lack of care taken in making the gloves sanitary. Wanting to keep all the patients he could, the dentist didn't mention how they made condoms.

Benefits of having Alzheimer's:

• You can wrap your own presents.
• You are always meeting new friends.

You may have heard that a New Zealand man had a hand transplant. Guess what? His penis rejected it!

What's the definition of bravery?
→ A man with diarrhea chancing a fart!

Joe has always had an uncontrollable twitch in his left eyelid since young. Fred has a splitting headache and asks Joe to go get some aspirins. Half an hour later Joe comes back with a dozen packets of condoms.

"I asked you to get me aspirins, not condoms."

"Yeah, I went to a dozen drug stores, but have you ever tried asking for aspirin with a tic in your eye?"

John and David were both patients in a Mental hospital. One day, John suddenly dived into the deep end of the swimming pool. David jumped in and saved him, and the medical director came to know of his heroic act.

He immediately order David to be discharged from the mental hospital as he is OK.

- Doctor: We have good news and bad news for you, David. The good news is that we are going to discharge you because you have regained your senses, since you are able to jump in and save another patient you are now a normal person. The bad news is that, the patient Mr. John, whom you have saved, hung himself in the toilet, and died.

- David: Doctor, he didn't hang himself. I hung him there to dry

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints." Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous systems many thousands of electrical connections."

The last said, "Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"

A woman came to the psychiatrist worried. "Doctor," she said, "I can't sleep at night. When I'm in the next room, I have this dreadful fear that I won't hear the baby if he falls out of the crib at night. What should I do?"

"Easy," said the doctor. "Just take the carpet off the floor."

One of Sigmund Freud's early patients rushed out into an Austrian afternoon on her way to meet her best friend at a coffee house. Over Cappuccino and Viennese pastries, she suddenly burst out crying.

Her friend begged her to share what was wrong.

"Oh, it's just terrible," she wailed. "Today the doctor told me I'm in love with my father, and. . .and. . .and you know, he's a married man!"