Random joke from this category
A husband and wife were at a party chatting with some friends when the subject of marriage counseling came up. "Oh, we'll never need that. My wife and I have a great relationship," the husband explained. "She was a communications major in college and I majored in theatre arts." He continued, "She communicates well and I act like I'm listening."
A wealthy man sat in his attorney's office.
- Do you want the bad news first or the terrible news? - the lawyer asked.
- Give me the bad news first.
- Your wife found a picture worth a half-million dollars.
- That's the bad news? - the man asked incredulously.
- I can't wait to hear the terrible news.
- It's of you and your mistress.
A bum asks a man for $2.
The man asked:
- Will you buy booze?
The bum said:
- No.
The man asked:
- Will you gamble it away?
The bum said:
- No.
Then the man asked:
- Will you come home with me so my wife can see what happens to a man who doesn't drink or gamble?
Why is Chelsea Clinton growing up a confused child?
→ Because dad can't keep his pants on and mom wants to wear them.
A man went to the police station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before. "You'll get your chance in court," said the desk sergeant. "No, no, no!" said the man. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years!"
What do a hurricane, a tornado, and a redneck divorce all have in common?
→ Someone's going to lose their trailer...
The newlyweds showed up at the hotel and asked for the honeymoon suite.
- Do you have reservations? - asked the desk clerk.
- Only one - replied the groom.
- She won't take it up the ass.
Here's a sick one...
So at the funeral home, the widow instructs the mortician to cut off her late husband's penis and shove it up his rectum. The mortician objects, but threatening not to pay, he relents. Later, at the coffin closing, the wife bends down to kiss her husband goodbye, and she sees a tear coming from his eye. She says:
- Hurts doesn't it, you son of a bitch!
A man calls his family doctor:
- Man: Doctor, for the last week my wife has thought that she was a rabbit.
- Doctor: Ok, bring her in and I'll try to help.
- Man: Fine, but whatever you do, don't cure her.
One day, the wife comes home with a spectacular diamond ring.
- Where did you get that ring? - her husband asks.
- Well - she replies.
- my boss and I played the lotto and we won, so I bought it with my share of the winnings.
A week later, his wife comes home with a long shiny fur coat.
- Where did you get that coat? - her husband asks.
She replies:
- My boss and played the lotto and we won again, so I bought it with my share of the winnings.
Another week later, his wife comes home, driving in a red Ferrari.
- Where did you get that car? - her husband asks.
Again she repeats the same story about the lotto and her share of the winnings.
That night, his wife asks him to pour her a nice warm bath while she gets undressed. When she enters the bathroom, she find that there is barely enough water in the bath to cover the plug at the far end.
- And this? - she asks her husband.
- Well - he replies.
- we don't want to get your lotto ticket wet, do we?!
