Random joke from this category
"Sir, I understand you admit to having broken into the dress shop four times," the judge said.
"Yes, Your Honor," the suspect replied.
"What did you steal?" the judge asked.
"I stole a dress, Your Honor," replied the suspect.
"One dress?" the judge bellowed. "But you have admitted to breaking in four times!"
"Yes, Your Honor," sighed the suspect, "but the first three times my wife didn't like the color!"
How many lawyers does it take to grease a combine?
→ Only one if you run him through slowly!
Have you seen the current remake of the movie "Cape Fear"? It's about a deranged psychotic who is seeking revenge against a lawyer. The question is, while watching the movie, whom do you root for?
- Judge: Are you married?
- Witness: No, I'm divorced.
- Judge: And what did your husband do before you divorced him?
- Witness: A lot of things I didn't know about.
I was wondering if anyone else is having a problem with the Carbon Based Unit, Model # Homo Sapiens.
The following is a list of constant problems:
I have attempted to contact the manufacturer of this model regarding these issues, but I have received no response. I can only assume that this creator does not stand by the product in question.
Therefore, I am directing my attorney to file a Class Action suit on behalf of myself and my family. The basis for this suit is that the manufacturer did knowingly produce a defective product.
Interested parties make contact my attorney:
U. B. Taken
1-800-Get-Away
or write:
7734 Geton Withit Ave.
Getalife, Hades 12345-678
A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them. His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing.
The man says "I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'"
"But why?" asks the man.
"I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replies.
The Ten Commandments display was recently removed from the Alabama Supreme Court building. There was a good reason for the move. You can't post Thou Shalt Not Steal, Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery, and Thou Shall Not Lie in a building full of lawyers and politicians without creating a hostile work environment.
The Judge said to the defendant. "I thought I told you I never wanted to see you in here again."
"Your Honor," the criminal said, "that's what I tried to tell the police, but they wouldn't listen."
Joe grew up in a small town, then moved away to attend college and law school. He decided to come back to the small town because he could be a big man in this small town. He really wanted to impress everyone. He opened his new law office, but business was very slow at first.
One day, he saw a man coming up the sidewalk. He decided to make a big impression on this new client when he arrived. As the man came to the door, Joe picked up the phone. He motioned the man in, all the while talking..
"No. Absolutely not. You tell those clowns in New York that I won't settle this case for less than one million.."
"Yes. The Appeals Court has agreed to hear that case next week. I'll be handling the primary argument and the other members of my team will provide support.."
"Okay. Tell the DA that I'll meet with him next week to discuss the details.."
This sort of thing went on for almost 5 minutes. All the while the man sat patiently as Joe rattled instructions. Finally, Joe put down the phone and turned to the man.
"I'm sorry for the delay, but as you can see, I'm very busy. What can I do for you?"
The man replied "I'm from the phone company.. I came to hook up your phone."
A lawyer died and was delivered into the devil's hands. "You will be spending eternity here, but I'll let you pick your own room from three I'll show you," the devil said.
In the first room were thousands of people standing on their heads on a brick floor. "I don't like that," said the man. "Show me the second."
In the second room were thousands of people standing on their heads on a wood floor. "Well, that's better than brick," the man said, "but show me the third."
In the third, thousands of people were standing ankle-deep in a room full of maggot infested garbage, all drinking coffee. "I'll choose this room," he said.
Into the room he went and the door slammed behind him. Immediately, the voice of a minor demon rang out, "OK, coffee break is over, back on your heads."
