Language Jokes — most viewed jokes

When you catch your dog eating a dictionary, what should you do?
→ Take the words right out of his mouth.

Ariel was in trouble again. Her sisters were complaining to King Neptune that she didn't want to dress properly.

Instead of wearing anemones to cover the protruding bits, she would stick long fronds of seaweed in her hair. Obviously these fronds did not always do their job because they tend to move with the flow, and this really annoyed her sisters.

King Neptune, being a strict father, admonished his daughter and insisted she discards the seaweed and wear her anemones like a dutiful daughter should.

"But father," Ariel argued, "with fronds like these, who needs anemones?"

A panhandler was caught trying to sneak aboard a Princess liner about to embark on a three-day trip to the Bahamas.

He was caught by the Purser who threw him off the ship telling him, "Beggars can't be cruisers."

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Cam

- Cam who?

- Camalot is where King Arthur lived!

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Avery

- Avery who?

- Avery time I come to your house we go through this!

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Butch

- Butch who?

- Butch your arms around me!

One Monday morning, Grover picking up the kids along a new bus route.

At the first stop, he picked up a fat little girl. Grover asked, "What's your name?" "Patty" she replied. She had a seat in the back of the bus.

On the next stop there was a handicapped boy named Ross. All the kids called him "Special Ross."

Then a young man named Lester Cheese loaded onto the bus, sat down, took off his shoes and began picking at his bunyons.

Finally the last stop came up, and another chubby little girl got on. Grover had never met her, so he asked her her name and her name was also Patty.

On the way to school, Grover looked in his mirror and began to laugh, He was thinking...

"Dang, I have two obese Patty's, Special Ross, Lester Cheese picking bunyons, on a Sesame Street bus!"

JUST FAUX FUN

- Can you loan me faux dollars ?

- What faux ?

- To buy faux diamonds.

- What do you need with faux diamonds ?

- I have sixteen, but I need faux more.

- Okay, why do you need twenty faux diamonds ?

- No, just twenty, not twenty-faux .

- You CAN'T be faux real ! Besides, I don't have faux dollars.

- Thanks faux nothing !

- Why do you REALLY need faux dollars ?

- Well, it's faux pas.

- And why does pas need faux dollars ?

- 'Cause Ma SPENT all of his !

The Untamed Tiger by Claudia Armoff

What two letters do you say when you answer the phone?
→ LO