Language Jokes — most viewed jokes

What do Scottish owls sing?
→ Owld Lang Syne.

What do they call pastors in Germany?
→ German Shepherds.

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Crock and Dial

- Crock and Dial who?

- Crock and Dial Dundee!

Kung Fu for Beginners by Flora Mugga

A man walks into a bar with a piece of asphalt under his arm and asks the barman "Can I have a drink for me and one for the road?"

Why is your nose in the middle of your face?
→ Because it is the scenter (centre).

Monster-making as a Hobby by Frank N. Stine

What's a zombie say when he gets a letter from his girlfriend?
→ It's a dead letter day.

What do you get when you have a cow and a duck?
→ Milk and quackers.

What does an envelope say when you lick it?
→ Nothing, it just shuts up.

What does Michael Jackson call his "Tickle-me Elmo" doll?
→ Bait.

What goes "99 thump 99 thump 99 thump...?"
→ A centipede with a wooden leg.

What goes "Tick tock, woof woof"?
→ A watch dog.

What is a reptile's favorite movie?
→ The Lizard of Oz.

What is Beethoven doing in his coffin right now?
→ Decomposing.

What kind of reptile tells time?
→ A clock-odile.

What kind of snack do little monkeys have with their milk?
→ Chocolate chimp cookies.

What magazine do cats like to read?
→ Good Mousekeeping.

What's happening when you hear "woof...splat...meow...splat?"
→ It's raining cats and dogs.

How do you spell "we" with two letters without using the letters W and E?
→ U and I.