Kids Jokes — most viewed jokes

What did the rain cloud wear under his rain coat?
→ Thunder wear!

Little Johnny walks into his mother's room and catches her topless.

Mommy, Mommy, what are those? He says pointing to her breasts.

Well, son, These are balloons, and when you die, they inflate and float you up to heaven.

Incredibly, he appears to believe this explanation and goes off quite satisfied. Two days later while his mother is making tea, he rushes into the kitchen. Mommy, Mommy, Aunt Eliza is dying!

What do you mean? Says his mother.

Well, she's out in the garden shed, lying on the floor with both of her balloons out. Daddy is trying to blow them up for her and she keeps yelling, God, I'm coming! God, I'm coming!

Martin had just received his brand new drivers license. The family troops out to the driveway, and climbs in the car, where he is going to take them for a ride for the first time. Dad immediately heads for the back seat, directly behind the newly minted driver.

"I'll bet you're back there to get a change of scenery after all those months of sitting in the front passenger seat teaching me how to drive," says the beaming boy to his father.

"Nope," comes dad's reply, "I'm gonna sit here and kick the back of your seat as you drive, just like you've been doing to me all these years."

The advice your son rejected is now being given by him to your grandson.

Working mothers are guinea pigs in a scientific experiment to show that sleep is not necessary to human life.

Parents often talk about the younger generations as if they didn't have anything to do with it.

Little Johnny was in class again.

Teacher asked everyone "Can anyone tell me a sentence with the word definitely in it?" Meg puts up her hand.

"The sky is definitely blue." "Thats not bad,Meg," says the teacher, "but the sky can be grey or red." Young Sally tried :"The grass is definitely green." "Good try Sally,but grass can be yellow or brown too!" Suddenly Little Johnny's hand shoots up.

"Miss Brown does a fart have lumps?" The teacher was horrified.

"No of course not Johnny! What are you talking about?" So Johnny says,"Well then Miss brown, I've definitely shit my pants!"

After church on Sunday morning, a young boy suddenly announced to his mother, "Mom, I've decided I'm going to be a minister when I grow up. "That's okay with us," the mother said, "But what made you decide to be a minister?" "Well," the boy replied, "I'll have to go to church on Sunday anyway, and I figure it will be more fun to stand up and yell than to sit still and listen.

There were three little boys visiting their grandparents. The oldest came out and asked his grandpa, "Can you make a sound like a frog, Grandpappy? Grandpa (being in a kind of ill mood) responds, "No, I don't really want to make the sound of a frog now.

"So, the second little boy comes out and asks his grandfather, "Willyou please make a sound like a frog?" Grandpa again says, "No, not now. I don't really want to do that. I'm in a grumpy mood. Maybe later.

"Then the third little boy comes out and says, "Grandpa, oh please... Please, please will you make a sound like a frog?"

"Why do all of you boys want me to make a sound like a frog?" Grandpa asked. The little boy replied with a hopeful face, "Well, Mom said that whenyou croak we get to go to Disney World!"

- Mom, I'm pregnant.

- How can that be? What did I tell you about sex?

- That I should take measures. That's what I did! I took measures and then went with the biggest.

One day, President Bush visited an elementary school. All the kids were so excited to get to meet the President. He began to talk to them and asked them to define the word "tragedy."

"Well," one girl replied, "If my mommy ran over my dog, Rover, that would be a tragedy!"

The President smiled at the little girl and said, "No, sweetie. That would be an accident! Can anyone give it a try?"

A little boy sitting across the room raised his hand and said, "I know! I know! If our bus driver ran off of a cliff and killed everyone!"

The President shook his head and said, "No son. That would be a great loss! Doesn't anyone know of a good example of a tragedy?"

A small girl raised her hand and said, "Well, Mr. President, if you and Laura were in Air Force One and it was hit by a missile and blown to smithereens, most people would think that that was a tragedy!"

"Very good," he said. "And what was your reason for that answer?"

"Well," she said, "It would not be an accident and it sure would not be a great loss!"

This reminds me of something yesterday at work. A colleague was relating a conversation he had with his young daughter, just a bit over 2 years old. They were discussing geography and...

- Where does mommy live?

- Minneapolis.

- Where does grandma live?

- Baltimore.

- Where does grandpa live?

- Baltimore.

- And where does daddy live?

- At work!

Needless to say, he took the morning off that next day...