Kids Jokes — most viewed jokes

One Halloween this woman opens her door to find the most adorable little girl, with golden blond curly hair and the biggest blue eyes.

She was dressed as an Angel, and was just delightful. The woman said, "what are you supposed to say sweetheart?"
The little girl looks up at the woman and says "Twick or Tweat!"

The woman thinks this is just adorable, and she calls her husband to come to the door. The woman say to the child, "Go ahead honey say it just one more time."

Once again the little Angel looks up and says, "Twick or Tweat!"

The husband agrees with his wife, this little Angel is just the cutest thing. The woman picks an apple from the Treat Bowl, shines it up with her apron, and drops it into the little girl's Treat Bag.

The little Angel looks in her bag then looks up at the woman and says, "Thanks a lot lady, you just broke my f**king cookies!"

A little boy, at a wedding looks at his mom and says, "Mommy, why does the girl wear white?"

His mom replies, "The bride is in white because she's happy and this is the happiest day of her life."

The boys thinks about this, and then says, "Well then, why is the boy wearing black..."

A wise man once said that having children is hereditary.

Which is tantamount to saying: If your parents didn't have children, chances are you won't either.

On Christmas morning, a cop on horseback was sitting at a traffic light. Next to him was a kid on his shiny new bike.

The cop said to the kid, "Nice bike you've got there. Did Santa bring that to you?"

The kid said, "Yeah."

The cop said, "Well, next year tell Santa to put a taillight on that bike."

The cop then proceeded to issue the kid a $20 bicycle safety violation ticket. The kid took the ticket, but before he rode off he said, "By the way, that's a nice horse you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?"

Humoring the kid, the cop said, "Yeah, he sure did."

The kid said, "Well, next year tell Santa to put the dick underneath the horse, instead of on top."

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Adolf!

- Adolf who?

- Adolf ball hit me in the mouth!

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Aesop!

- Aesop who?

- Aesop I saw a puddy cat!

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Abe!

- Abe who?

- Abe C D E F G H...!

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Abyssinia!

- Abyssinia who?

- Abyssinia behind bars one of these days!

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Alberta!

- Alberta who!

- Alberta'll be over in a minute!

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Albee!

- Albee who?

- Albee a monkey's uncle!

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Albert!

- Albert who!

- Albert you don't know who this is!

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Alison!

- Alison who?

- Alison it's dark outside!

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Alli!

- Alli who?

- Alligator, that's who!

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Allied!

- Allied who?

- Allied, so sue me!

- Dad, why do the singers rock left and right while performing on stage?

- Because, son, it is more difficult to hit a moving target.

Why did the monster get a ticket at Thanksgiving dinner?
→ He was exceeding the feed limit!

Why did the monster put the cake in the freezer?
→ Because he had been told to ice it.

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Cereal

- Cereal who?

- Cereal pleasure to meet you!