Random joke from this category
Why do golfers carry two pairs of trousers with them?
→ Just in case they get a hole in one.
- Golfer: Well, I have never played this badly before!
- Caddy: I didn't realize you had played before, sir!
- Golfer: My wife says if I don't stop playing golf she's going to leave me!
- Caddy: I'm sure you will miss her terribly, sir!
- Golfer: Well caddy, do you like my game?
- Caddy: Very good, sir! But personally I prefer golf.
Denied membership in an exclusive country club because he was an actor, biblical epic star Victor Mature is reported to have said "Hell, I'm no actor, and I've got thirty movies to prove it!"
Two aliens landed their ship on a golf course and watched a young man golfing. First he hit it into the high grass, mumbling and cursing he retrieved his ball. Then he hit it into the sand bunker shouting curse words he retrieved the ball. Next he hit a perfect hole in one, then the first alien said to the second, "Uh-oh cover your ears he's going to be really mad now"!
The room was full of pregnant women and their partners. The Lamaze class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly, and informing the men how to give the necessary assurances at this stage of the plan.
"Ladies, exercise is good for you," announced the teacher. "Walking is especially beneficial. And, gentlemen, it wouldn't hurt you to take the time to go walking with your partner!"
The room was very quiet. Finally, a man in the middle of the group raised his hand.
"Yes?" asked the instructor.
"Is it all right if she carries a golf bag while we walk?"
Ok this idiot of the first order is invited for a game of golf for the first time, while in another country.
He's totally enamoured with the golf ball because he's never seen anything like it before so he carries like, 30 of them back home to give away as souveniers.
While passing through the customs on his way back, the customs officer who's perhaps a bigger idiot than this guy, notices his pockets bulging with all these golf balls and can't figure it out. So he asks our man, "What the hell is all this?!"
To which he replies, "Oh they're just golf balls."
So the customs officer goes, "Oh oh! You mean like tennis elbow?"
Read the 10 to-do instructions and then scroll for the answer - NO CHEATING!
Very good. Now flush the urinal, go outside, and tee off!
(From a sign posted at a local golf course restroom :)
When is a birthday cake like a golf ball?
→ When it's been sliced.
A golfer was addressing his ball, getting ready to shoot.
Just as he was about ready to hit, a voice came over the p.a. system - "Will the gentleman on the lady's tee please move back to the men's tee".
He looked up, looked back down and then resumed addressing the ball again.
The Voice again - "Will the Man on the Red tees PLEASE MOVE BACK to the White Tees?!"
He looked back at the starters shack and yelled, "Will the IDIOT on the p.a. shut up so that the man on the lady's tee can hit his second shot"!
- Golfer: This golf is a funny game.
- Caddy: It's not supposed to be.
A golf club walks into a local bar and asks the barman for a pint of beer.
The barman refuses to serve him. "Why not," asks the golf club.
"You'll be driving later," replies the bartender.
