Food Jokes — most viewed jokes

A friend got some vinegar in his ear, now he suffers from pickled hearing.

- Mother Banana: Why didn't you go to school today?

- Little Banana: Because I didn't peel well.

A protestant moved into a completely Catholic community. Being good Catholics they welcomed him into their community. But, also because they were good Catholics they did not eat red meat on Fridays. So, when their neighbor began barbequeing some juicy steak on Friday night, they began to squirm.

They were so annoyed that they went to talk to him about it. After much talk they conviced him to become Catholic. The next Sunday he went to the priest and the priest sprinkled holy water on him and said:

You were born Protestant.
You were raised Protestant.
But now you are Catholic!

And so, the next Friday, as the neighbors sat down to eat their fish, they were disturbed by the smell of roast beef coming from the neighboring house. They went over to talk to the new Catholic because he knew he was not supposed to eat beef on Fridays. When they saw him, he was sprinkling ketchup on the beef saying:

You were born a cow.
You were raised a cow.
But now you are fish!

How do you confuse a blonde?
→ Ask her to alphabetize a bag of M&Ms.

What is the left side of an apple?
→ The part that you don't eat.

How does an apple a day keep the doctor away?
→ When you take careful aim.

In the United States alone, there are over 10,000 cases of battered women.

And to think... all this time, I have been eating mine plain!

What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer?
→ Frosted Flakes.

Name two tennis stars who are famous in the hamburger world?
→ Bjorn Borger and Billie Jean-o's Burger King!

How are men like noodles?
→ They're always in hot water, they lack taste, and they need dough.