Food Jokes — most viewed jokes

"My boyfriend says I look like a dishy Italian!" said Miss Conceited.
"Then he's right," said her little brother. "Sophia Loren?"
"No-spaghetti!"

What's the best way to get King Kong to sit up and beg?
→ Wave a two-ton banana in front of his nose.

What did 1 strawberry say to another?
→ If you weren't so fresh you wouldn't be in this jam!

Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?
→ Because, that's where you're supposed to wash vegetables!

Have you heard about the new low-fat communion bread?

It's called "I Can't Believe It's Not Jesus"!

What do you get if you cross a salmon, a bird's leg and a hand?
→ Birdsthigh fish fingers!

What do you do if you see a blue banana?
→ Try to cheer it up.

It was just another day and I was tired of Mr. Goodbar. I saw Miss Hershey standing behind the Powerhouse on the corner of Clark and Fifth Avenue. I whipped out my Million Dollar Bar and whispered "Hey Sweetheart, how'd you like Crunch on My Big Hunk" she replied "Oh Henry, what a Whopper."

Well she immediately went down on my Tootsie Roll and it was pure Almond Joy. I couldn't resist her Charms and reached out and grabbed her Mounds, it was easy to see this little Twix had the Red Hots for me. It was all I could do to hold the Snickers and Crackle as my Butterfinger slipped into her tight little Kit Kat as she screamed "Oh Henry, Oh Henry" soon she was fondling my Peter Pan and Zagnut's. It wasn't long before I blew my Milk Duds to Mars, which gave her a taste of the old Milky Way. She asked about M&M, but I said "Hey Chicklet, no kinky stuff you little Reese's pieces.

Don't be a Zero, be a Lifesaver. Why don't you grab my Whatchamacallit and slip it up your Bit 'O' Honey" (What a piece of Juicy Fruit she was, too!) She screamed "Oh you Cracker Jack, better than the Three Muskteers" as I rammed my Ding Dong up her Rocky Road and into her Peanut Butter Cup. Well I was giving it to her Good 'N' Plenty when all of a sudden...my Starburst! Yeah as luck would have it she started to get Chunky, complained of a Wrigley in her stomach and nine months later out popped "BABY RUTH."

Holiday Banana Bread:

Ingredients: 2 laughing eyes, 2 loving arms, 2 well shaped legs, 2 firm milk containers, 1 fur-lined mixing bowl, 1 large banana

Instructions:

1. look into laughing eyes and hold loving arms.
2. Spread well shaped legs slowly.
3. Squeeze & massage milk containers until the fur-lined mixing bowl is well greased, check with middle finger.
4. Add banana, work up and down until well creamed.
5. Lower nuts and sigh with relief, when banana is soft, bread is done!
6. Be sure to wash mixing utensils, but "do not lick the bowl."

NOTE: If bread rises, leave town.

What is a ghost favorite fruit?
→ Boonanaa!