Farming Jokes — most viewed jokes

Why did the unwashed chicken cross the road twice?
→ Because he was a dirty double crosser!

What do you call a sleeping bull?
→ A bulldozer!

What has two legs and flies?
→ A pig!

What do you get if you cross a cow with an octopus?
→ A cow that can milk itself!

Why did the farmer call his pig 'Ink'?
→ Because he kept running out of the pen!

What do you get from an Alaskan cow?
→ Cold cream!

What game do cows play at parties?
→ Moosical chairs!

Why is it called a 'herd' of cattle?
→ Well, have you 'herd' the sound they make!

Why was the lamb told off for being rude?
→ He would not say 'thank ewe' to his mum!

What do you call the story of The Three Little Pigs?
→ A pigtail!

Where do cows go on a Saturday night?
→ To the moo-vies!

If you had fifteen cows and five goats what would you have?
→ Plenty of milk!

Why did the baby turkey bolt down his food?
→ Because he was a little gobbler!

Why did the starstruck chicken cross the road?
→ To see Gregory Peck!

What kind of tie does a pig wear?
→ Pig's tie!

What is another name for a cow?
→ A lawn-mooer!

Why did the Roman chicken cross the road?
→ Because she was afraid someone would caesar!

What do you call a pig thief?
→ A hamburglar!

What's the difference between a bull and a cow?
→ A bull smiles when you milk it.

What is a cow's favorite TV show?
→ Dr Moo!

Why was the farmer hopping mad?
→ Because someone had trodden on his corn!

What would happen if bulls could fly?
→ You would have to carry an umbrella all the time and beef would go up!

What do you get if a sheep walks under a cloud?
→ A sheep that's under the weather!

Why do cows like being told jokes?
→ Because they like being amoosed!

What goes 'peck, bang, peck, bang, peck, bang'?
→ A bunch of chickens in a field full of balloons!

What do you get if you cross a pile of mud with a pig?
→ A groundhog!

How do you take a pig to hospital?
→ By hambulance!

What do you call a joke book for chickens?
→ A yolk book!

One morning a little girl ran inside and said "Daddy, Daddy my sister and the man you hired last week are up on the hay loft in the barn on all that new hay we just bought. She has her dress up and he has his pants down. I think they are about to piss all over that new hay!"

These two women went out for a night on the town and got just totally sloshed. At the end of the evening they decided to take a short cut through a cow pasture after being unable to find a ride home. They became lost so split up to try and find the road home. One of the lushes doubled back only to stumble on the other flat on her back sucking on, and playing with a cow's udders. Her friend screamed "what are you doing"? the other lush says "shut up, with all these guys here someone'll drive us home".

These two country boys, brothers, were knocking around one lazy summer day and thought it would be a good prank to push over the outhouse. They crept up from an advantageous direction like a couple of commandos, pushed the outhouse over on one side and headed for the woods. They circled round and returned home an hour later from a completely different direction thus, trying to divert suspicion from themselves.

Upon returning, their father approached them with switch in hand and bellowed, "Did you two push the outhouse over this afternoon?"

The older boy replied, "As learned in school, I cannot tell a lie. Yes, Father, we pushed over the outhouse this afternoon."

At this revalation, the farmer proceeded to flail the two boys severely and sent them to bed without supper.

In the morning, the two boys meekly approached the brekfast table and took their seats. Everything was quiet until their father finally said, "Have you two learned your lesson?"

"Sure, Dad!" said the big brother, "But, in school we learned that George Washington admitted to HIS father that he'd chopped down a cherry tree and he was forgiven because he told the truth."

"Ah yes!" said the farmer, "BUT, George's DAD, wasn't in the cherry tree when he chopped it down!!!"

Why did the dirty chicken cross the road?
→ For some fowl purpose!

How do sheep keep warm in winter?
→ Central bleating!

How do chickens dance?
→ Chick to chick!

What do you call a crazy chicken?
→ A cuckoo-cluck!

What do you call a bull who tells jokes?
→ Laugh-a-bull!

What do you get if you cross a cow, a sheep and a goat?
→ The milky baa kid!

What is a duck's favorite dance?
→ The quackstep!

Which dance will a chicken not do?
→ The foxtrot!

What do you get if you cross a sheep with a kangaroo?
→ A woolly jumper!

What do you get if you all sit under a cow?
→ A pat on the head!

What's the best way to make a bull sweat?
→ Put him in a tight jumper!

What do you call a pig that took a plane?
→ Swine flu!

What kind of doctor treats ducks?
→ A quack!

What did the well mannered sheep say to his friend at the field gate?
→ Afer ewe!

Why did the ram fall over the cliff?
→ He didn't see the ewe turn!

What do cows like to dance to?
→ Any kind of moosic you like!

Where do sheep get shorn?
→ At the baa baas!

What do you get if you cross a steer with a tadpole?
→ A bullfrog!

Through the kitchen window a farmer's wife sees her son coming home from school. The boy's in a bad mood, and as he crosses the field he kicks a pig. He walks a little further and kicks a cow. Once inside, his mother says, "I saw what you did, young man! For kicking the pig you'll get no bacon for a week, and for kicking the cow, no milk for a week."

Just at that moment, the boy's father walks through the door and boots the cat halfway across the room.

The boy looks at his mother and says, "Do you wanna tell him, or should I?"