Dumb Jokes — most viewed jokes

A blonde tried to sell her old car. She was having a lot of problems selling it, because the car had 250,000 miles on it.

One day, she told her problem to a brunette she worked with at a salon. The brunette told her, "There is a possibility to make the car easier to sell, but it's not legal."

"That doesn't matter," replied the blonde, "if I only can sell the car."

"Okay," said the brunette. "Here is the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop. Tell him I sent you and he will turn the counter on your car back to 50,000 miles. Then it should not be a problem to sell your car anymore."

The following weekend, the blonde made the trip to the mechanic. About one month after that, the brunette asked the blonde, "Did you sell your car?"

"No," replied the blonde, "why should I? It only has 50,000 miles on it!"

Yo momma so stupid that she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.

On a narrow mountain's road a man saw a police car driving uphill backwards.

- Hi guys. Why are you driving backwards?

- Because we are not sure that we will find the place to make u-turn on the top of the mountain.

After one hour the same man saw the same police car driving downhill backwards again.

- But guys, why are you driving backwards again?

- We have found the place to make u-turn up there.

Did you hear about the idiot who had a new bath put in?
The plumber said, "Would you like a plug for it?"

The idiot replied, "Oh, I didn't know it was electric."

An Englishman, a Frenchman and a Polak were captured by the Germans and thrown into prison. However, the guard was rather kind towards them, and said, "I am going to lock you away for five years, but I'll let you have anything you want now before I lock you away."

The Englishman says, "I'll have five years' supply of beer!" His wish is granted, and they lock him away with his beer.

The Frenchman says, "I'll have five years' supply of brandy!" His wish is granted, and they lock him away with his brandy.

The Polak says, "I'll have five years' supply of cigarettes!" His wish is granted, and they lock him away with his cigarettes.

Five years later, the Germans come to release their prisoners. First, they release the Englishman, who staggers out totally drunk. Then, they release the Frenchman, who also rolls out rather drunk.

Finally, they release the Polak, who comes out and says, "Has anyone got a light?"

• An intellect rivaled only by garden tools.
• An XT clone in a Pentium zone.
• Another engineering prototype that should not have been shipped.
• Answers the door when the phone rings.
• Any slower and he'd be in reverse. -- Gignac
• As a baby his parents stood him on his soft spot.
• As bent as a corkscrew.
• As bright as a nightlight / small appliance bulb / tulip bulb.
• As happy as if he had brains.
• As happy as the village idiot.
• As much use as a back pocket in a vest. (Very English.)
• As much use as a lead parachute.
• As quick as a corpse.
• As rare as a nine bob note. (Very English.)
• As sharp as a marble / bowling ball / beachball / pin head / wet sponge / bowl of Jello / mashed potato sandwich, and twice as smart.
• As sharp as a sack full of wet mice. -- Foghorn Leghorn
• As smart as a politician/lawyer is honest.
• As smart as bait / an automatic email responder script.
• As smart as Christie Brinkley is ugly.
• As thick as champ. (Irish champ is mostly mashed spuds and cabbage.)
• As thick as two short planks / two half bricks.
• As worn out as a cucumber in a convent.
• Attic's a little dusty.
• Back burners not fully operating.
• Bad spot on the disk.
• Baler done run out of twine.
• Bandwidth limited.
• Barney's his hero.
• Bats have flown the belfry, and now he's all alone.
• Bats in the belfry.

A man walks into a bar and has a couple of beers. Once he is done the bartender tells him he owes $9.00.

"But I paid, don't you remember?" says the customer.

"Okay," says the bartender, "If you said you paid, you did."

The man then goes outside and tells the first person he sees that the bartender can't keep track of whether his customers have paid.

The second man then rushes in, orders a beer and later pulls the same stunt.

The barkeep replies, "If you say you paid, I'll take your word for it."

Soon the customer goes into the street, sees an old friend, and tells him how to get free drinks.

The man hurries into the bar and begins to drink high-balls when, suddenly, the bartender leans over and says, "You know, a funny thing happened in here tonight. Two men were drinking beer, neither paid and both claimed that they did. The next guy who tries that is going to get punched right in the nose."

"Don't bother me with your troubles," the final patron responds.
"Just give me my change and I'll be on my way."

Hear what the Poles did with all their gold medals?

Went home and got them bronzed.

Two Rangers stopped a guy for speeding on the state highway in Waxahachie, Texas. As they were writing up the ticket, one Ranger turned to the other and said, "How do you spell Waxahachie?"

The other one replied, "I don't know."

So the first one said, "Well what are we gong to do? If we spell it wrong it will get dismissed."

The second Ranger said, "Why don't we just let him go and stop him again when he gets to Waco?"

You're so ugly, yo momma had to tie a pork chop around your neck just to get the dog to play with you.

Yo momma's so fat that the last time that she wore a T-shirt with a X on it a helicopter tried to land on her.

Your dog is so dumb that if you were to cut off his tail and make him walk backwards he'd start wagging his head!