Dumb Jokes — most viewed jokes

While attending a spelling session in school one day, the teacher asked if anyone could spell the word DUMB.

Darla raises her hand and says, "I can, I can."

The teacher replies, "OK, go ahead Darla..."

Darla replies, "D-U-M-B."

The teacher replies, "Very good," and "can you use that word in a sentence?"

Darla replies, "Sure, Buckwheat is very DUMB."

The teacher replies, "OK, well can anyone spell the word STUPID?"

Again, Darla raises her hand, and the teacher replies, "OK, go ahead Darla."

Darla replies, "S-T-U-P-I-D."

The teacher replies, "Very good," and "can you use that word in a sentence?"

Darla replies, "Sure, Buckwheat is very STUPID."

The teacher replies, "OK, well let's continue, can anyone spell the word DICTATE?"

No one raises their hand, so the teacher asks Buckwheat if he can spell the word DICTATE.

Buckwheat replies, "Sure, D-I-C-T-A-T-E."

The teacher replies, "Very good Buckwheat," and "can you use that word in a sentence?"

Buckwheat replies, "Sure I can. I may be DUMB and I may be STUPID, but Darla says my DICTATE good."

There's these four Irishmen in a bar, all drinking Guinness. One of them is looking rather puzzled, so another turns to him and asks him what's the matter.

- 1st Irishman: Well, I was just trying to remember what 2 plus 2 is.

- 2nd Irishman: Oh, that's easy, it's 147.

- 1st Irishman: No no no, that can't be right. How about you, Fergus, do you know what 2 plus 2 is?

- 3rd Irishman: Hmmm ... could it be Wednesday, perhaps?

- 1st Irishman: No no no, that doesn't sound right either. How about you Pat, do you know?

- 4th Irishman: Simple, the answer is 4.

- 1st Irishman: Of course! How did you work it out?!

- 4th Irishman: Aha, that's where brains come in! I subtracted 147 from Wednesday!

Come on, Fred, I'll take you to the zoo. If the zoo wants me, let them come and get me!

One Day Stupid, Trouble, and Shut Up were driving along in their car when Trouble suddenly hurled himself out of the window.

Well, Stupid and Shut Up did not know what to do so they went to the police station. When they got there the chief asked them their names.

"Shut Up", replied Shut Up.

"Stupid", replied Stupid.

The police chief thought these people were telling him to shut up, and were calling him stupid. Which made him very mad. "Excuse Me!" shouted the chief.

Thinking the chief was hard of hearing, They once again shouted there names.

"Shut Up!"

"Stupid!"

The police chief was very riled. He then asked, "Are you looking for trouble?"!!!

Stunned at the idea of the chief knowing that they were looking for their friend, they replied, "Why yes, how did you know?"

An airline captain was breaking in a very pretty new blonde stewardess; the route they were flying had a stay-over in another city. Upon their arrival the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.

The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up, wondering what happened to her.

She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn't get out of her room.

"You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?"

The stewardess replied: "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"

John and David were both patients in a Mental hospital. One day, John suddenly dived into the deep end of the swimming pool. David jumped in and saved him, and the medical director came to know of his heroic act.

He immediately order David to be discharged from the mental hospital as he is OK.

- Doctor: We have good news and bad news for you, David. The good news is that we are going to discharge you because you have regained your senses, since you are able to jump in and save another patient you are now a normal person. The bad news is that, the patient Mr. John, whom you have saved, hung himself in the toilet, and died.

- David: Doctor, he didn't hang himself. I hung him there to dry

Two blondes were facing each other with a lake between them. The first blonde wants to get to the other side so she yells to the other blonde, "Hey! I want to get to the other side of the lake but I can't swim. Please tell me how you did this!"

The second blonde then says, "But you ARE on the other side!"

A blonde with two red ears went to her doctor.

The doctor asked her what had happened to her ears and she answered, "I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang - but instead of picking up the phone I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear."

"Oh Dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief.

"But. what happened to your other ear?"

"The son of a bitch called back."

What do you get when you cross a blonde with an ape?
→ A retarded ape.

• OLD telephone directories make ideal personal address books. Simply cross out the names and address of people you don't know.
• FOOL other drivers into thinking you have an expensive car phone by holding an old TV or video remote control up to your ear and occasionally swerving across the road and mounting the curb.
• LOSE weight quickly by eating raw pork or rancid tuna. I found that the subsequent food poisoning/diarrhea enabled me to lose 12 pounds in only 2 days.
• AVOID parking tickets by leaving your windshield wipers turned to 'fast wipe' whenever you leave your car parked illegally.
• NO TIME for a bath? Wrap yourself in masking tape and remove the dirt by simply peeling it off.
• SAVE ON BOOZE by drinking cold tea instead of whisky. The following morning you can create the effects of a hangover by drinking a thimble full of dish washing liquid and banging your head repeatedly on the wall.
• RECREATE the fun of a visit to a public swimming pool in your own home by filling the bath with cold water, adding two bottles of bleach, then urinating into it, before jumping in.