Dumb Jokes — most viewed jokes

Titus was on a Knoxville elevator with several other people. As the elevator moved up, he stared at the small fan revolving slowly in the elevator ceiling.
"It's amazing," he said to the other people, "that such a small fan could lift all these people!"

How do you confuse a blonde?
→ Put her in a circular room and tell her to sit in the corner.

Thoughts from a school teacher:

1. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you criticize him, you are a mile away and you have his shoes.
2. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk I have a work station...
3. I believe five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
4. If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, "Quit while you're ahead?"
5. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
6. What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
7. I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.
8. I have found at my age, going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of my face.
9. I was thinking about how people read the Bible a whole lot more when they get older. Then it dawned on me they were cramming for their finals.
10. Employment application blanks always ask who is to be notified in case of emergency. I think you should put "A very good doctor."

Police in Oakland, California spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them, shouting please to come out and give himself up.

Why would a blonde wear green lipstick?
→ Because red means Stop.

Biddle and Payne, two elderly English professors, were having lunch in the cafeteria.

During the course of the conversation, Biddle said, "A student gave me a peculiar answer in class today. I asked who wrote the Merchant of Venice and a sophomore said, "Please, sir, it wasn't me!"

"Ha, ha!" laughed Payne. "And I suppose the little snot had done it all along!"

What does a blonde say when you ask her if her blinker is working?
→ Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No.

- Patient: Doctor, I keep thinking I'm invisible.

- Psychiatrist: What!...who said that?

A man is strolling past the mental hospital and suddenly remembers an important meeting.

Unfortunately, his watch has stopped, and he cannot tell if he is late or not.
Then, he notices a patient similarly strolling about within the hospital fence.

Calling out to the patient, the man says, "Pardon me, sir, but do you have the time?"

The patient calls back, "One moment!" and throws himself upon the ground, pulling out a short stick as he does. He pushes the stick into the ground, and, pulling out a carpenter's level, assures himself that the stick is vertical.

With a compass, the patient locates north and with a steel ruler, measures the precise length of the shadow cast by the stick.

Withdrawing a slide rule from his pocket, the patient calculates rapidly, then swiftly packs up all his tools and turns back to the pedestrian, saying, "It is now precisely 3:29 pm, provided today is August 16th, which I believe it is."

The man can't help but be impressed by this demonstration, and sets his watch accordingly.

Before he leaves, he says to the patient, "That was really quite remarkable, but tell me, what do you do on a cloudy day, or at night, when the stick casts no shadow?" The patient holds up his wrist and says, "I suppose I'd just look at my watch."

Why did the blonde keep ice cubes in the freezer?
→ So she could keep the refrigerator cold.