Doctor Jokes — most viewed jokes

At an international meeting, two surgeons were having an argument. The Indian surgeon was saying:

- No no no, I am telling you it is Woomba

The African surgeon is saying:

- No Man, it is Whoooooommmmmm

They go on like this for about 10 minutes. Up comes the English surgeon, and interrupts them.

- Excuse me chaps, but I do believe that the word you are trying to say is "Womb."

After he has gone away, the African turns to the Indian and says:

- I bet you he has never even seen a hippopotamus, never mind heard one fart under water!

- Dentist begging the patient: Could you help me? Could you give out a few of your loudest, most painful screams?

- Patient: Why? Doc, it isn't all that bad this time.

- Dentist: There are so many people in the waiting room right now and I don't want to miss the 4 o'clock ball game.

A Soviet emigre boy and girl come to a doctor's office and say:

- Doctor, we would like to know if we are screwing properly. Will you watch us, please?

The doctor, somewhat puzzled, agrees, they climb on his table, the boy gets on top of the girl, and they have sex. After observing them, the doctor says:

- Yes, you're having sex properly. That will be forty dollars.

They come back the next day with the same request, but this time the boy enters the girl from the rear. They keep coming for four days in a row, using different positions every day.

On the fifth visit the doctor says:

- Why do you keep on coming back? I told you you're having sex properly.

The boy explains:

- The hotel room costs the same forty dollars, but this way we get reimbursed by Medicaid.

An anxious woman goes to her doctor.

- Doctor - she asks nervously.

- can you get pregnant from anal intercourse?

- Certainly - replies the doctor.

- Where do you think lawyers come from!

A woman was going to marry one of those guys that wanted a virgin.

Since she was not, she went to a doctor to reconstruct her hymen.

The doctor told her it would cost around $500, but there was another way that would cost only $50.

The woman agreed to try the cheap way, paid the money, and the doctor worked on her for several minutes.

After the "first night" of intimacy, the woman came back to the doctor and told him that it was perfect. The pain, the blood, everything was there. And she asked him how he did it.

- Simple... I tied your pubic hairs together!

Then there was the Puerto Rican surgeon who made medical history. He performed the first appendix transplant.

- You're in good health. You'll live to be 80.

- But, doctor, I am 80 right now.

- See, what did I tell you!

A man comes to an Italian doctor because of sore throat. The doctor tells him to pull down his pants and to swing his genitals in the window.

- What does this have to do with my throat?

- Nothing, I just hate the neighbors!

A woman goes to the doctor complaining of bad knee pains. After the diagnostic tests showed nothing, the doctor questions her:

- There must be something you're doing that you haven't told me. Can you think of anything that might be doing this to your knees?

- Well - she said a little sheepishly.

- my husband and I have sex doggy-style on the floor every night.

- That's got to be it - said the doctor.

- There are plenty of other positions and ways to have sex, you know.

- Not if you're going to watch T.V. there ain't - she replied.

There was this eighty-year-old man who was seeing the doctor for a checkup. The doctor asked why he needed the checkup. The man was getting married next month to a girl 60 years his junior. The doctor tried to talk him out of the marriage, and it didn't work.

However, the doctor suggested:

- If you want your marriage to last, I say you at least take in a boarder.

The old man agreed.

The old man didn't see the doctor until they met at a fund-raiser a year later.

The old man says:

- Doc, congratulate me, my wife is pregnant.

- That's good news - said the doctor.

- I knew the boarder would help.

- Oh - said the old man with a wicked grin.

- and the boarder's pregnant as well.