Doctor Jokes — most viewed jokes

- Doctor, Doctor, I keep thinking I'm a snake about to shed its skin.

- Why don't you go behind the screen and slip into something more comfortable then!

- Doctor, Doctor, I'm on a diet and it's making me irritable. Yesterday I bit someone's ear off.

- Oh dear, that's a lot of calories!

- Doctor: Nurse, how is that little girl doing who swallowed ten quarters last night?

- Nurse: No change yet.

A doctor rushed out of his study room. "Get me my bag!" he shouted. "Why, what's the matter?" inquired his pretty young wife.

"Some fellow just phoned and said he can't live without me," he gasped as he reached for his hat. The young wife sighed. "Just a moment," she said gently. "I think that call was for me."

- Doctor, doctor I keep thinking I'm a bee

- Buzz off can't you see I'm busy?

- Doctor, doctor, I've got a little sty.

- Then you'd better buy a little pig.

- Doctor, Doctor, I keep thinking I'm a caterpillar.

- Don't worry, you'll soon change!

- Patient: Doctor, I keep thinking that I'm a deck of cards!

- Psychiatrist: Sit over there and I'll deal with you later!

- Girl to Doctor: Doctor, Help! My brother thinks he's a chicken!

- Doctor: How long has this been going on?

- Girl: About a year.

- Doctor: Wow! Why didn't you tell me sooner?

- Girl: Because we needed the eggs!

A psychiatrist was testing the mentality of a patient.

"Do you ever hear voices without being able to tell who is speaking or where the voices are coming from?" asked the psychiatrist.

"As a matter of fact, I do," said the patient.

"And when does this happen?" asked the psychiatrist.

"Oh," said the patient, "when I answer the telephone."