Doctor Jokes — most viewed jokes

- Doctor, Doctor I think I need glasses

- You certainly do, Sir, this is a fish and chip shop!

A lawyer with insomnia consulted her doctor.
"Which side is it best to lie on?" she asked.
"The side that pays your fee," replied the doctor.

A patient came to his dentist with problems with his teeth.

- Patient: Doctor, I have yellow teeth, what do I do?

- Dentist: Wear a brown tie!

A pregnant woman is about to give birth. The doctor has her on the delivery table, legs up in the stirrups. Suddenly, he sees the top of a head push through. Then the baby pops its head out and says to the doctor, "Are you my dad?". The doctor says, "No, I am your doctor!". With that, the baby pops right back inside. "Damn!", says the doctor. A short while later he sees the head push through again. "Are you my dad?", asks the baby. "No, I am your doctor.", he replies. Once again the baby vanishes back into his mother's womb. The doctor turns to a nurse and says, "Nurse, get that baby's father in here right away--we may have a situation on our hands!". Moments later the baby's father is in the delivery room, and the baby's head once again pops out. "Are you my dad?", the baby asks of the father. The father replies, "Yes, little baby, I am your father!" The baby then reaches up and begins poking his father in the forehead with his index finger--"How do you like that?"

A blonde ran into the hospital screaming. A doctor came running to her aid. To his surprise her ears were badly burnt and red.

- What happened? he asked.

- I was ironing my shirt and the phone rang, thinking the iron was the phone I put it to my ear, she replied.

- Oh no, but what happened to your other ear?

She frowned and replied "The jerk rang back!"

A client of a hospital where they made brain transplantations asked about the prices. The doctor said, "Well, this Ph.D. brain costs $10,000. This brain belonged to a NASA top scientist and costs $15,000. Here we have a blonde's brain as well. It costs $50,000."

The client asked, "What? How's that possible?"

The doctor replied, "You see, it's totally unused."

- Doctor Doctor I swallowed a bone.

- Are you choking?

- No, I really did!

What does a short sighted gynecologist and a dog have in common?
→ They both have wet noses!

A well respected surgeon was relaxing on his sofa one evening just after arriving home from work. As he was tuning into the evening news, the phone rang. The doctor calmly answered it and heard the familiar voice of a colleague on the other end of the line.

"We need a fourth for poker," said the friend.

"I'll be right over," whispered the doctor.

As he was putting on his coat, his wife asked, "Is it serious?"

"Oh yes, quite serious," said the doctor gravely. "In fact, three doctors are there already!"

A mother was anxiously awaiting her daughter`s plane. She had just come back from a far away land trying to find adventure.

As the daughter was exiting the plane, the mother noticed a man directly behind her daughter dressed in feathers with exotic markings all over his body and carrying a shrunken head. The daughter introduced this man as her new husband.

The mother gasped in disbelief and disappointment and screamed, "I said for you to marry a Rich Doctor! a Rich Doctor!"