Random joke from this category
What's the definition of a perfect woman?
a) Three feet tall with a round hole for a mouth and a flat head so that you can put a pint of beer on it.
b) The sports model has pullback ears and her teeth fold in.
c) The economy model fucks all night and at midnight turn into a roastbeef sandwich and a sixpack.
Did you know that elephants actually have their sexual organs in their feet?
Yup, if one steps on you, you're screwed.
In the Sex Ed class the teacher says, "All right, class, I want you to go home and come back tomorrow with as many positions as you can think of for making sex."
The next day she says to Little Johnny in the back, "Well, John, how many positions did you come up with?"
Johnny says, "Seventy-three."
The teacher says, "Oh, my goodness...uh...very good, John, very good..."
She calls on Becky in the front and says, "All right, Becky, how about you?"
Becky says, "Gee, teacher, I only came up with one...where the guy just lays on top of the girl."
Johnny yells, "Seventy-four."
Why is having a wank like eating McDonald's?
→ Because it's always exactly the same and afterwards you... swear you'll never do it again.
Two young girls were talking about their sex lives when the first girl says, "Oh my god!, it was really great, but I was Sooo scared after his rubber broke. I didn't get a good night's sleep for a week."
"What happened." Says her intrigued friend.
"I didn't know what I was going to do, but I was finally able to get the last little piece of it out with dental floss."
What would you call a virgin on a water bed?
→ A cherry float!
A double whammy:
Why do elephants paint thier testicles red?
→ So they can hide in cherry trees.
What's the loudest noise in the jungle?
→ A Monkey eating cherries.
Jake is 85, and he gets married to a 16-year-old. He walks into the local bar when he gets back from his honeymoon, and all the guys want to hear about his wedding night.
Jake says, "Well, when we got to the hotel, my youngest son carried me up the stairs, undressed me, and lifted me onto the bed with my bride, so's me and her could spend the night together. The next morning all three of my sons came upstairs and lifted me off of her."
The bartender says, "Why did it take three sons to get you off?"
Jake says, "I fought 'em."
What's the difference between pussy and apple pie?
→ You can eat your Mom's apple pie.
"Do you have any batteries?" a woman asks the hardware store clerk.
"Yes, m'am." The clerk gestures with his finger. "Can you come this way?"
"If I could come that way," the woman says, "I wouldn't need the batteries."
