Random joke from this category
A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is smoking a cigarette with a satisfied smile on its face and the egg is frowning and looking put out.
The egg mutters to no one in particular:
- I guess we answered that question.
Good: Your son's finally maturing
Bad: He's involved with the woman next door
Worse: So are you
TOP TEN things men would do if they woke up and had a vagina for a day:
Finally find that damned G-spot.
Two buddies were sharing drinks while discussing their wives. "Does your wife ever ... well, you know ... does she ... well, let you do it doggie style?" asked one of the two. "Well, not exactly," his friend replied, "She's into the dog trick aspect of it." "Oh, I see. Kinky stuff, huh?" "Well... not exactly. More like she rolls over and plays dead."
Jeff walks into a bar and sees his friend Paul slumped over the bar. He walks over and asks Paul what's wrong.
- Well - replies Paul, - you know that beautiful girl at work that I wanted to ask out, but I got an erection every time I saw her?
- Yes - replies Jeff with a laugh.
- Well - says Paul, straightening up, - I finally plucked up the courage to ask her out, and she agreed.
- That's great! - says Jeff, - When are you going out?
- I went to meet her this evening - continues Paul, - but I was worried I'd get an erection again. So I got some duct tape and taped my penis to my leg, so if I did, it wouldn't show.
- Sensible - says Jeff.
- So I get to her door - says Paul, - and I rang her doorbell. She answered it in the sheerest, tiniest dress you ever saw.
- And what happened then?
(Paul slumps back over the bar again.)
- I kicked her in the face.
3 nurses go into the morgue, and there's a dead man's body lying there, with an erection.
The first nurse sees it, and says "I'm gagging for it", gets atop the man and has her way with it.
The second nurse says "Aye, so am I, shame to let it go to waste", and she does the same.
They turn to the 3rd nurse and ask her if she is having a go. She replies she is having her period, and declines. One of the nurses reply "He's dead anyway, he'll no bother". The last nurse agrees with this, gets on and does her thing too.
Just after she finishes, the dead man sits up. The nurses ask him "We thought you were dead!", and the man replies,"After two jump starts and a blood transfusion, you wouldn't be dead either!".
What did the banana say to the vibrator??
→ Why the hell are you shaking? Shes gonna eat me!
Joe and Wanda had a small apartment in the city and they decided that the only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon quickie with their ten-year-old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony and order him to report on all the neighbourhood activities. To a young boy, they thought, spying would be a lot of fun and would distract him for an hour or so.
The boy began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation.
- There's a car being towed from the parking lot - he said.
- An ambulance just drove by.
A few moments passed.
- Looks like the Andersons have company - he called out.
- Matt's riding a new bike and the Coopers are making whoopie.
Mom and Dad shot up in bed.
- How do you know that? - the startled father asked.
- Their kid is standing out on the balcony too - his son replied.
There was a little old man who really took care of his body. He lifted weights and jogged six miles every day. One morning he looked into the mirror and was admiring his body when he noticed that he was suntanned over his entire body with the exception of his penis. He decided to do something about it. So he went to the beach, undressed completely, and buried himself in the sand except for his penis.
Just then two little old ladies were strolling along the beach, one walking with a cane. Upon seeing this "thing" sticking out of the sand, she began to move it about with her cane. She remarked to the other little old lady:
- There ain't hardly no justice in this world.
The other little old lady asked:
- What do you mean by that?
- Well - the first lady said - When I was 20, I was curious about it.
When I was 30, I enjoyed it.
When I was 40, I asked for it.
When I was 50, I paid for it.
When I was 60, I prayed for it.
When I was 70, I forgot about it.
And now that I'm 80, the damn things are growing wild, and I'm too old to squat!
What men would do if they had a vagina for a day:
