Computer Jokes — most viewed jokes

Do you know why the Cincinnati Bengals were the last NFL team to get a website?

Because they couldnt put three W's in a row.

Why was the hen banned from sending e-mails?
→ She was always using fowl language.

A man was trimming his bushes. His neighbor (the blonde) walks out, checks her mail only to see that it's empty, and goes back inside. Five minutes later, she comes back out, checks her mail again only to see that it's still empty, and goes back in.

The third time she comes out, the man asks her, "Excuse me, is there a problem?"

The blonde replies, "Darn right there's a problem! My computer keeps on telling me 'I've got mail'!"

- Have you seen www.yawn.com?

- Yes, but I'm a bit tired of it.

What do you get if you cross a giant ship with the Internet?
→ The Site-anic.

- Teacher: You've been e-mailing other pupils that I'm ugly!

- Pupil: Sorry, miss, I didn't realise you wanted to keep it a secret.

- If doors have a website shouldn't windows have one too?

- We'd better, or it will be curtains for us.

Which Lord Mayor of London was always on the Internet?
→ Click Whittington

- So what exactly can I learn on the Internet?

- Anything you like - it can even teach you to talk like an Indian.

- How?

- See? It's working already.

You Might Be Addicted to AOL if...

• Tech Support calls "You" for help
• Someone at work tells you a joke and you say LOL
• You have called out someone's screen name while making love to your significant other
• You keep begging your friends to get an account so "we can hang out"
• You have to get a second phone line just so you can call Domino's
• You've ever typed "drinking on AOL is better than drinking alone"
• You have a vanity car tag with your screen name on it
• You no longer type with proper punctuation, capitalization, or complete sentences
• You begin to say heh heh heh instead of laughing
• When someone says "What did you say?" you reply "Scroll up!"
• You sneak away to the computer in the middle of the night when your spouse is asleep
• You know more about your AOL friends daily routines than you do your own family's
• You lie to others about your time on-line and when they complain that your phone was busy you claim it was off the hook
• You have an identity crisis if someone else is using an s/n close to your own
• You would rather tell people your bloodshot eyes are from partying too much instead of the truth (all night on-line)
• You're broke, your modem burns out and you go out onto the streets to sell your body to get a new one
• You marry your cyberboyfriend and you both sit at your own computers and chat to each other every night from across the room
• You type messages to people while you are on the phone with them at the same time
• You won't work at a job that doesn't have a modem involved
• You sign on and immediately get 10 messages from people who have you on their buddy lists
• You look at an annoying person off-line and wish you had your ignore button handy
• You have withdrawls if you are away from the computer for more than a few hours
• You use AOL lingo in everyday life (if you still have one...hehehe)
• Your buddy list has over 100 people on it
• You wake up in the morning and the first thing you do is get on-line before you have your first cup of coffee
• You wait 6 hours online for a certain "special" person to sign on
• You don't know where the time has gone
• You end sentences with three (or more) periods while writing letters in pen/pencil
• Your relationship online has gone farther than any real one you have had
• You get up at 2am to go the bathroom but go turn on your computer instead
• You don't even notice anymore when someone has a typo
• When you enter a room and 23 people greet you with {{{Hugs or Kisses
• You stop typing whole words and use things like ppl, dunno and lemme
• Your voicemail/answering machine message is "BRB, leave your s/n and I will TTYL"
• You type faster than you think
• Being called a newbie is a MAJOR insult
• You are on the phone for a minute and need to do something else you say "BRB" or "BBL"
• You spend at least 30 minutes making sure you say goodbye to everyone in a room
• You've gone into an unstaffed tech support room and given tech support to other AOLers
• You have to be pryed from your computer with the Jaws-of-Life
• You meet people from AOL in public and have no idea what their real name is, so you call them by their screen name
• Your last sexual experience was really just a "textual" experience