Computer Jokes — most viewed jokes

After my wife and her former best buddy, another Air Force wife, were separated by a move that posted one husband on the opposite coast, the telephone became their chief means of communication. When our phone bills showed astronomical increases, the other spouse and I sought relief. Since we both owned computers, we encourage our wives to use electronic mail.

Now they call on the phone to let each other know that e-mail was sent, then call back to confirm that it arrived and have a conversation about the contents!

Computers manufacturer is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to "Press Return Key" because of the flood of calls asking where the "Any" key is.

Ya see, we at Microsoft believe in making computing easier! What could be easier for consumers than having only ONE choice of software?!?

- Helpline? I've just pushed a piece of bacon into my disk drive!

- Has the computer stopped working?

- No, but there's a lot of crackling.

"This little computer," said the sales clerk, "will do half of your job for you."

Studying the machine, the senior VP said, "Fine, I'll take two."

- Why do you think I spend too much time at my computer?

- Well, dear... Every time I ask you to close the windows you answer with "Please wait while your computer shuts down"...

Why do computer teachers never get sick?
→ Because an apple a day keeps the doctor away.

How do you keep a programmer in the shower all day?
→ Give him a bottle of shampoo which says "lather, rinse, repeat."

After buying a PC from a dealer of shady shady repute, the luckless customer unpacked his new toy and plugged it in to find it Dead On Arrival.

Naturally, after checking the usual things, he called the dealer and explained his problem. First question from Deviously Evasive Dealer:
"Did you check to see whether the power was on?"

"Of course."

DED: "Did you open the cover and check whether any of the boards had shaken loose in shipping?"

"Of course."

DED: Then why are you calling me?"

"Well, you sold it to me and there has to be some kind of warranty," pleaded the frustrated purchaser.

"Of course there is," replied the DED, "But you voided the warranty when you opened the cover."

There are two major products to come out of Berkeley:
LSD and UNIX.

We don't believe this to be a coincidence.

A helicopter was flying around above Seattle yesterday when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment. Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position and course to steer to the airport.

The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, drew a hand-written sign, and held it in the helicopter's window. The pilot's sign read "WHERE AM I?" in large letters.

People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window. Their sign read "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER". The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer to the Seattle-Tacoma airport, and landed safely.

After they were on the ground, the copilot asked the pilot how the "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER" sign helped determine their position.

The pilot responded "I knew that had to be the Microsoft building because, similar to their help-lines, they gave me a technically correct but completely useless answer."