Computer Jokes — most viewed jokes

What do you do if your computer hums?
→ Tell it to change its socsks!

- Teacher: Look at the state of the school computer. I want that screen cleaned so I can see my face in it!

- Pupil: But then it will crack and we won't be able to use it at all.

The attention span of a computer is as long as its electrical cord.

What is a computer virus?
→ A terminal illness.

What algorithm did Intel use in the Pentium's floating point divider?
→ "Life is like a box of chocolates..." (Source: F. Gump of Intel)

A blonde keeps walking down her drive to her mail box. She keeps doing this until her neighbour asks her why she is doing that. The blonde replies "My computer keeps telling me that i've got mail".

A programmer was walking along the beach when he found a lamp.
Upon rubbing the lamp a genie appeared who stated
"I am the most powerful genie in the world. I can grant you any wish you want, but only one wish."

The programmer pulled out a map of the Mediterranean area and said
"I'd like there to be a just and last peace among the people in the middle east."

The genie responded, "Gee, I don't know. Those people have been fighting since the beginning of time. I can do just about anything, but this is beyond my limits."

The programmer then said, "Well, I am a programmer and my programs have a lot of users. Please make all the users satisfied with my programs, and let them ask sensible changes"

Genie: "Uh, let me see that map again."

What's another name for the "Intel Inside" sticker they put on Pentiums?
→ The warning label.

A confused caller was having troubles printing documents. He told the technician that the computer had said that it ''could not find the printer.'' The user had even tried turning the computer screen to face the printer but his computer still could not 'see' the printer.

You have just received the "Kentucky Virus"!!!

As we ain't got no programin' experience, this here Virus works on the honor system.

Please delete all the files on your hard drive, and manually forward this virus to everyone on your mailing list.

Thanks for your cooperation.