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Service Station Owner

Last summer, the President and Mrs. Clinton were vacationing in their home state of Arkansas. On a venture one day, they stopped at a service station to fill up the car with gas.
It seemed that the owner of the station was once Hillary's high school love.

They exchanged hellos, and went on their way.

As they were driving on to their destination, Bill put his arm around Hillary and said, "Well, honey, if you had stayed with him, you would be the wife of a service station owner today."

She smirked and replied, "No, if I had stayed with him, he would be President of the United States."

Reading The Credits

Personally, I like to stay and read the credits. When the last scene of Titanic faded to black and people began rushing for the exits, I shouted: "Quick! There are only enough cars in the parking lot for half of us!"

Marriage Quotes 5

Love, you can't start it like a car, you can't stop it with a gun. - George Bernard Shaw

One cardinal rule of marriage should never be forgotten: "Give little, give seldom, and above all, give grudgingly." Otherwise, what could have been a proper marriage could become an orgy of sexual lust. - Ruth Smythers, Marriage advice for women, 1894

I'd like to get married because I like the idea of a man being required by law to sleep with me every night. - Carrie Snow

By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher...and that is a good thing for any man. - Socrates

Marriage: A ceremony in which rings are put on the finger of the lady and through the nose of the gentleman. - Herbert Spencer

Someone once asked me why women don't gamble as much as men do and I gave the commonsensical reply that we don't have as much money. That was a true but incomplete answer. In fact, women's total instinct for gambling is satisfied by marriage. - Gloria Steinem

If you meet somebody who tells you that he loves you more than anybody in the whole wide world, don't trust him. It means he experiments. A life without love in it is like a heap of ashes upon a deserted hearth; with the fire dead, the laughter stilled, and the light extinguished. - Frank P. Tebbetts

At American weddings, the quality of food is inversely proportional to the social position of the bride and the groom. - Calvin Trillin

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. - Lana Turner

I do not see the EEC as a great love affair. It is more like nine desperate middle-aged couples with failing marriages meeting at a Brussels hotel for a group grope. - Tynan

The first time you buy a house, you see how pretty the paint is and buy it. The second time, you look to see if the basement has termites. It's the same with husbands. - Lupe Valez

Marriage is the only adventure open to the cowardly. - Voltaire

Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution. - Mae West

Bachelors should be heavily taxed. It is not fair that some men should be happier than others. - Oscar Wilde

Long engagements give people the opportunity of finding out each other's character before marriage, which is never advisable. - Oscar Wilde

Why are women so much more interesting to men than men are to women? - Virginia Woolf

UPM Light Bulb

How many UPM's does it take to screw in a light bulb?
→ None! If you'd just make it a day exterior we wouldn't be screwing around with all these damn light bulbs!

Filling Station

Bill Clinton and Hillary were travelling in a car.

They stopped at a filling station. They saw Hillary's young lover there. Bill said to Hillary if you were still with him, you were the wife of a filling station owner.

Hillary said, "NO! Then he would be the president of United States"