Random joke from this category
Bill, Hillary and Chelsea Clinton are on Air Force One.
Bill says to Hillary, "I could make a lot of people very happy if I threw 1 million $1 bills out of this plane."
Hillary says, "Oh yeah, well I could make even more people happy if I threw 1 million $5 bills out of this plane."
Chelsea says, "I could make the whole world happy if I threw you both out of this plane!"
And the Number one World's Shortest book:......
There is a new Barbie doll on the market -
T2 Barbie ...a study in silver
The real name of "the" Bill Gates is William Henry Gates III.
Nowadays he is known as Bill Gates (III), where "III" means the order of third (3rd.)By converting the letters of his current name to the ASCII-values and adding his (III), you get the following:B.......66I.......73L.......76L.......76G.......71A.......65T.......84E.......69S.......83........3--------------.......666 !!
Some might ask, "How did Bill Gates get so powerful?" Coincidence?
Or just the beginning of mankind's ultimate and total enslavement???
YOU decide!
Before you decide, consider the following:M S - D O S 6 . 2 177 83 45 68 79 83 32 54 46 50 49 = 666W I N D O W S 9 587 73 78 68 79 87 83 57 53 1 = 666Coincidence? I think not.
Michael Jackson, Bill Clinton and Nelson Mandela are in an airplane with 20 kids. The airplane gets a failure and is doomed to crash. The plane has only 20 parachutes. Nelson Mandela, as a great humanitarian says that children should have them. Bill Clinton gets panicky and shouts, "SCREW THE CHILDREN!!"
Michael Jackson's face lights up and he shouts, "YES, YES!! But do we have enough time?"
An actor auditioned for a part in a musical comedy many years ago. The director was impressed with the young man's talent. He could dance, he could sing, he had perfect comic timing.
The director asked the young man his name.
"Penis van Lesbian," the man replied proudly.
"Well," said the director, "we'll have to change that."
"Oh," the young man said, "I could never change my name. It's my heritage."
"Well," said the director, "if you're not willing to change your name, you'll never go anywhere in show business."
The young man left the theater dejectedly. A couple of years later, the director and the young man happened to meet on the street.
"Do you remember me," asked the young man?
"Yes, I do," said the director. "I almost cast you once for a musical comedy. What have you been up to."
"Well, I finally took your advice," the young man said. "I changed my name and I have been quite successful in show business ever since."
"I told you so," the director replied. "And what name did you choose, Mr. van Lesbian?"
"Dick van Dyke."
Famous interpretations of "Why did the Chicken cross the road?"
Bill Clinton: I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken? Could you define chicken, please...
Louis Farrakhan: The road, you will see, represents the black man.
The chicken crossed the "black man" in order to trample him down!
Colonel Sanders: I missed one?
L.A Poliece Department: Give us five minutes with the chicken, and we'll find out.
Jerry Falwell: Because the chicken was gay! isn't it obvious? Can't you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the other side. thats what "they" call it: the "other side". Yes, my friends the chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too!
Ronald Regan: What Chicken?
Saddam Hussein: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion, and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it!
ROBERT DE NIRO: Are you telling me the chicken crossed that road? Is that what you're telling me?
Ernest Hemingway: To die. In the rain.
Marting Luther King, Jr.: I envision a world where all chickens, be they black or white or brown or red or speckled, will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.
Grandpa: In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.
Aristotle: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
Karl Marx: It was a historical inevitability.
Captain James T. Kirk: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
Fox Mulder: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross before you believe it's true?
Freud: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity. How do you feel about your mother?
Bill Gates: We have just released eChicken 2000, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs (only in the proprietary brown_ms.egg format), file your important documents, and balance your chequebook and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.
The CIA: Who told you about the chicken? Did you see the chicken? There was no chicken. Please step into the car, sir.
Einstein: Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken.
There is a new Barbie doll on the market -
Darth Vader Barbie ...with plastic helmet; pull the string and she sounds like James Earl Jones
Hercules, Snow White and Quasemoto were sitting at a table talking. Hercules says, "I think I'm the strongest man in the world but it hasn't been proven yet."
Snow White says, "I think I'm the fairest lady in the land but it hasn't been proven yet."
Quasie says, "I think I'm the ugliest, meanest son of a gun in the world but it hasn't been proven yet."
The next day Hercules and Snow White are sitting at the table and Hercules says, "It's true I'm the strongest man in the world for God told me so".
Snow White says, "It's true I'm the fairest lady in the land for God told me so."
Just then, Quasie started walking up the road really steamed and says, "Guys can you do me a favor? Tell me who the heck is Janet Reno?"
These are supposedly actual quotes taken from around the world.
