Business Jokes — most viewed jokes

When Fred was applying for a credit card, the manager of the credit card company asked him if he had much money in the bank. "I have," said Fred.
"How much?" asked the manager.

"I don't know exactly," said Fred, "I haven't shaken it lately."

A blonde goes into a Best Buy. She asks a clerk if she can buy the TV in the corner. The clerk looks at her and says that he doesn't serve blondes, so she goes back home and dyes her hair black.

The next day she returns to the store and asks the same thing and again the clerk said he doesn't serve blondes.

Frustrated, the blonde goes home and dyes her hair yet again, to a shade of red. Sure that a clerk would sell her the TV this time, she returns and asks a different clerk this time. To her astonishment, this clerk also says that she doesn't serve blondes. The blonde asks the clerk, "How do you know I am a blonde?"

The clerk looks at her disgustedly and says, "That's not a TV - it's a microwave."

10 signs your broker was affected by the Stock Market Crash:

• "He can't come to the phone right now..he's on the ledge."
• "He won't be in today...he was made an offer and he refused."
• "He left the building and not via the elevator..if you catch my drift."
• "I'm sorry, sir..she's not in...she's out digging up your can as we speak."
• There's a sign on her desk that says "Next Broker Please."
• "He's on another line with his Mommy..would you care to hold?"
• "No sir, that wasn't him streaking through the Stock Exchange."
• "He's meeting with the SEC as we speak."
• "I'm sorry, ma'am but that was him being led from the Stock Exchange naked except for the sale tickets stuck to his body via maple syrup."
• "Yes sir, that is him in the White Bronco leading the cops down the freeway."

Why did the mean teacher walk around with her purse open?
→ She'd read there was going to be some change in the weather.

Mom and Dad are in the iron and steel business.

She does the ironing and he does the stealing.

What kind of company is a 24 hours hamburger joint?
→ Fry-by-night!

If a fifty cent piece and a quarter were on the Empire State Building, which would jump off first?
→ The quarter, because it has less sense (cents).

A painting contractor was speaking with a woman about her job. In the first room she said she would like a pale blue. The contractor wrote this down and went to the window, opened it, and yelled out "GREEN SIDE UP!".

In the second room she told the painter she would like it painted in a soft yellow. He wrote this on his pad, walked to the window, opened it, and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!".

The lady was somewhat curious but she said nothing. In the third room she said she would like it painted a warm rose color. The painter wrote this down, walked to the window, opened it and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!".

The lady then asked him, "Why do you keep yelling 'green side up'?"

"I'm sorry," came the reply. "But I have a crew of blondes laying sod across the street."

What dog has money?
→ A bloodhound, because he is always picking up scents (cents).

- Farmer: What would you do if a bull charged you?

- Mary: I'd pay whatever it charged.