Blonde Jokes — most viewed jokes

Why aren't blondes good cattle herders?
→ Because they can't even keep two calves together!

How can you tell which tricycle belongs to the blonde?
→ It is the one with the kickstand.

A German woman is walking down the street.

Eleven blonde guys walk up and attack her.

She screams:

- Nein! Nein!

So two guys walk away.

How do you break the nose on a blonde?
→ You put a dildo under a glass table!

How do you make a blonde go crazy?
→ Place them in a round room, and tell them to stand in the corner!

A noted psychiatrist was a guest at a blonde gathering, and his hostess naturally broached the subject in which the doctor was most at ease.

- Would you mind telling me, Doctor - she asked - how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?

- That's easy - he replied. You ask them a simple question which everyone should be able to answer with no trouble. If they hesitate, that puts you on the right track.

"What sort of question would you ask Doctor?"

"Well, you might ask them..."

"Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them.

Which one?"

The blonde thought a moment, then said with a nervous laugh:

- You wouldn't happen to have another example would you?

"I must confess I don't know much about history." (DOH!)

What's a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme?
→ Hump me Dump me.

What do you call an eternity?
→ Four blondes in four cars at a four way stop.

Why do blondes have TGIF written on their shoes?
→ Toes Go In First

Three blondes were driving to Disneyland. After being in the car for four hours, they saw a sign that said "Disneyland left." So they turned around and went home.

What do smart blondes and UFOs have in common?
→ You always hear about them but never see them.

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
→ Oh, look, Daddy....doughnut seeds!

Why did the blonde stare at the can of frozen orange juice?
→ Because it said concentrate.

Why do blondes always smile during lightning storms?
→ They think their picture is being taken.

How can you tell when a blonde sends you a fax?
→ It has a stamp on it.

Why can't blondes dial 911?
→ They can't find the 11 on the phone.

What do you do if a blonde throws a pin at you?
→ Run, she's got a grenade in her mouth!

How can you tell if a blonde's been using your computer?
→ There is white-out all over the monitor.

Why shouldn't blondes have coffee breaks?
→ It takes too long to retrain them.

A blonde and a brunnette were walking outside when the brunnette said:

- Oh, look at the dead bird.

The blonde looked skyward and said:

- Where? Where?

How do you drown a blonde?
→ Put a scratch and sniff sticker on the bottom of a pool.

Why does it take longer to build a blonde snowman than a regular one?
→ You have to hollow out the head.

How do you get a twinkle in a blonde's eye?
→ Shine a flashlight in her ear.

Hear about the blonde who got an AM radio?
→ Took her a month to figure out she could play it at night.

What happened to the blonde Ice Hockey team?
→ They drowned during spring training.

What did the blonde say when she saw the sign in front of the YMCA?
→ Duh! Look! They spelled Macy's wrong!

How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?
→ Tell her a joke on Tuesday.

Why are blonde's boobs always square?
→ Because they forget to take the kleenex out of the box.

What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
→ Pregnant

Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers every month?
→ Because it says right on it "good for up to 20 pounds."