Random joke from this category
A blonde calls her husband at work one day and asks him, "Can you help me when you get home?"
"Sure," he replies. "What's the problem?"
"Well, I started a really hard puzzle and I can't even find the edge pieces."
"Look on the box," he said. "There's always a picture of what the puzzle is."
"It's a big rooster," she said.
The husband arrives home and tells his blonde wife, "Okay, put the corn flakes back in the box."
During late spring one year, a blonde was trying out her new boat. She was unable to have her boat perform, travel through water, or do any maneuvers whatsoever no matter how hard she tried.
After trying for over three days to make it work properly, she decided to seek help. She putted the boat over to the local marina in hopes that someone there could identify her problem.
Workers determined that everything from the engine to the outdrive was working perfectly on the topside of the boat. So, a puzzled marina employee jumped into the water to check underneath the boat for problems. Because he was laughing so hard, he came up choking on water and gasping for air. Under the boat, still strapped in place securely, was the trailer.
Why are dumb blonde jokes only one liners?
→ So men can understand them!
Did you hear about the blonde who took an hour to cook Minute Rice?
Did you hear about the blonde who got into the taxi, and the driver kept the "Vacant" sign up?
Did you hear about the blonde who was an M.D.--Mentally Deficient?
Did you hear about the blonde who thought nitrates were cheaper than day rates?
Did you hear about the blonde who after watching the ballerinas, wondered why they didn't get taller girls?
Did you hear about the blonde who went to a nudist camp for a game of strip poker?
Did you hear about the blonde who brought her cosmetics with her for a make-up exam?
What's the first thing a blonde does after sex?
→ Opens the car door.
How do blondes turn the light on after sex?
→ Kick open the car door.
Why do blondes drive cars with sunroofs?
→ More leg room.
What do blondes say after sex?
→ "Are you boys all in the same band?"
Why is a blonde like a door knob?
→ Because everybody gets a turn.
Why is a blonde like railroad tracks?
→ Because she's been laid all over the country.
What important question does a blonde ask her mate before having sex?
→ Do you want this by the hour, or the flat rate?
How do you tell when a blonde reaches orgasm?
→ She drops her nail-file
What is it called when a blonde blows in another blonde's ear?
→ Data transfer.
What do you call a basement full of blondes?
→ A wine cellar.
Why are there no dumb brunettes?
→ Peroxide.
What does a blond and a beer bottle have in common?
→ They're both empty from the neck up.
What do blonds and spaghetti have in common?
→ They both wriggle when you eat them.
Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?
→ From crawling across the street when the sign said "DON'T WALK".
Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat?
→ In case she locks the keys in her car.
Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
→ So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.
Three women are about to be executed. One's a brunette, one's a redhead, and one's a blonde. Two guards brings the brunette forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.
She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."
Suddenly the brunette yells, "Earthquake!!" Everyone is startled and looks around. She manages to escape.
The angry guards then bring the redhead forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.
She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."
The redhead then screams, "Tornado!!"
Yet again, everyone is startled and looks around. She too escapes execution. By this point, the blonde had figured out what the others did. The guards bring her forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She also says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ." The blonde shouts, "Fire!!"
Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?
→ You can park in the handicap zone.
What was the blonde psychic's greatest achievment?
→ An IN-body experience!
What's a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme?
→ Humpme Dumpme.
How do you make a blonde's eyes light up?
→ Shine a flashlight in their ear.
Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks?
→ It takes too long to retrain them.
What's the difference between a blonde and a computer?
→ You only have to punch information into a computer once.
What do a blonde and your computer have in common?
→ You don't know how much either of them mean to you until they go down on you.
Why don't blondes eat Jello?
→ They can't figure out how to get two cups of water into those little packages.
Why don't blondes eat bananas?
→ They can't find the zipper.
What will a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive?
→ Her ankles.
Why don't blondes use vibrators?
→ They chip their teeth.
Why don't blondes in San Francisco wear short black mini skirts?
→ Cause their balls show!
Why do blondes drive BMWs?
→ It's the only car name they can spell.
What do you call a brunette with a blonde on either side?
→ An interpreter.
What do you call a blonde between two brunettes?
→ A mental block.
What do blondes do with their arseholes in the morning?
→ Pack their lunch and send them to work.
What's the first thing a blonde does in the morning?
→ Introduces herself.
How can you steal the window seat of a blonde on a plane going to London?
→ Tell her the seats that are going to London are all in the middle row.
How did the blonde break her leg playing hockey with the Toronto Maple Leafs?
→ She fell out of the tree.
What's a blonde's idea of safe sex?
→ Locking the car door.
Why couldn't the blonde write the number ELEVEN?
→ Because she didn't know which one came first!
How can you confuse a blonde?
→ Put her in a round room and tell her to sit in the corner.
How do blonde brain cells die?
→ Alone.
What did the blondes right leg say to her left leg?
→ Nothing, they never met.
Why did God create blondes?
→ Because sheep can't fetch a beer from the fridge.
Why did God create brunettes?
→ Because the blondes couldn't manage it either.
What do you call a smart blonde?
→ A Golden retriever!
What do you get when you ask a blonde, a penny for your thoughts?
→ Change!
Why do blondes take the pill?
→ So they know which day of the week it is.
Why is a washing machine better than a blonde?
→ Because you can drop your load in a washing machine, and it won't follow you around for a week!
What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
→ Gifted.
Why did eighteen blondes go to the movies together?
→ They heard that under seventeen weren't admitted!
What does a peroxide blonde and a 747 have in common?
→ They both have a black box.
How do you get a blonde to marry you?
→ Tell her she's pregnant.
Why did the Blonde get fired at the M & M factory?
→ She threw out all the W's
So my sister, a natural blond graduating from the University of North Carolina Law School, is job hunting. I suggested that since Microsoft is building up their legal team, she should send them a resume and become a southern blond Microsoft lawyer -- and be the butt of any joke on the internet.
What do you call a brunette between two blondes?
→ Translator.
