Blonde Jokes — most viewed jokes

What is the difference between butter and a blonde?
→ Butter is difficult to spread.

Why do blondes wear hoop earrings?
→ They have to have some place to rest their ankles.

Why do blondes where big hoop earrings?
→ To put their feet through.

What's a blonde's favorite wine?
→ "Daddy! can I go to Miami!"

What did the blonde do when she noticed that someone had already written on the overhead transparency?
→ She turned it over and used the other side.

How do you change a blonde's mind?
→ Blow in her ear.

What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer?
→ There are some things even a blonde won't do.

What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home?
→ She moved.

Why do blondes look up and smile at lightning?
→ They think someone is taking their picture.

What's the difference between a blonde and a trampoline?
→ You take your shoes off before you jump on a trampoline!

Why do blondes have square breasts?
→ Because they forgot to take the tissues out of the box!

What do UFO's and smart blondes have in common?
→ You keep hearing about them, but never see any.

Why can't blondes count to 70?
→ Because 69 is a bit of a mouthful.

What is the difference between blondes and traffic signs?
→ Some traffic signs say stop.

What did the blonde customer say to the waitress when reading her nametag?
→ "Mary... that's cute. What did you name the other one?"

Why did the blonde put her finger over the nail when she was hammering?
→ The noise gave her a headache.

What is the difference between a blonde and a 747?
→ Not everyone has been in a 747.

What do blondes say after sex?
→ "Thanks, guys!"

A blonde who's down on her luck is walking through a luxurious neighborhood looking for odd jobs to do when she approaches a large house. She goes up to the house, rings the bell and the owner comes to the door.

He asks the lady what he can do for her. The blonde tells him of her situation, that she is down on her luck and wants to know if he has any odd jobs that she could do. The man thinks about it for a second and then remembers that he has been wanting to paint his porch. He asks the blonde if she paints? The blonde says, "Sure anything." "Well, I've been wanting to paint my porch, how much would you charge?" the man replies.

"I don't know, say $50 bucks." "Sounds good. Go ahead and get started." He closes the door and walks back inside.

His wife asks him, "Who was at the door?" He tells her of the blonde and her situation and then told his wife that the blonde agreed to paint the porch for $50 bucks. The astonished wife says, "$50 bucks, but that porch goes the full length of our house and then some. It will be at least a few hours job. You really should pay her more." "But that's all she said she wanted, and anyway she's a dumb blonde!"

10 minutes later, they get a knock on the door. The man answers the door and the blone stands there and says, "All done." With a surprised look on his face, "I can't believe it, you're already done painting the entire porch."

"Yes, and by the way it's not a porch it's a Ferrari."

What do spaghetti and blondes have in common?
→ They both wiggle when you eat them!

What do you call a blonde in the freezer?
→ A Frosted Flake.

What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
→ Gifted!

How do blonde braincells die?
→ Alone.

What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
→ Pregnant.

How do you brainwash a blonde?
→ Give her a douche and shake her upside down.

What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette?
→ Artificial intelligence.

Why aren't blondes good cattle herders?
→ Because they can't even keep two calves together!

What did the blonde's right leg say to the left leg?
→ Nothing. They've never met.

Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?
→ Because, that's where you're supposed to wash vegetables!

When does a brunette have 1/2 of a brain?
→ After a dye job.

Why did God create blondes?
→ Because sheep can't bring beer from the fridge.

Why did the blonde wear condoms on her ears?
→ So she wouldn't get Hearing Aides.

Why did the blonde drive into the ditch?
→ To turn the blinker off.

Why did the blonde try and steal a police car?
→ She saw "911" on the back and thought it was a Porsche.

Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane?
→ She'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it blown around too much.

Why do blondes wear their hair up?
→ To catch everything that goes over their heads.

There was a Blonde, a Brunette, and a Redhead standing on the beach. They had decided the previous evening whilst in the pub to try and swim the English channel. After some dicussion, they decided the quickest way would be to do the breast stroke, so off they set.

One day later the Redhead reached the French coast. Having lost sight of the other two swimmers just off the English coast she decided that they couldn't be far behind so sat on the beach looking out to sea waiting for the other two. After a cold night of waiting, the Brunette finally came into sight. "What took you so long?" inquired the Redhead.

"There were some strong currents out there! But I'm here now! Am I the last?" replied the Brunette.

"No. Blondie is still out there somewhere." They decided to wait.

Day after day the two swimmers sat on the beach until on the 5th day Blondie came into view. Once on dry land the Brunette asked the blonde "What took you so long?"

"What do you expect? You guy's cheated," replied the idignant blonde, "You used your hands!"

Why did the blond get fired from the M&M's Factory?
→ She threw away all the w's.

Why does a blonde girl always have a bruise around her belly button???
→ Cause blonde boys aren't that smart either.