Blonde Jokes — most viewed jokes

Two Blonde men were in the woods hunting. One looked at the other and said, "I've got to take a crap."

The other said, "Well go behind one of those big trees, and crap."

The first one said, "But I don't have any paper to wipe my ass."

The other blonde replied, "You have a dollar, don't you?"

The first one said, "Yeah, I've got a dollar. That's a great idea-- I'll use that!" He left and came back with crap all over his hands and clothes.

His friend looked at him and asked, "What in the hell happened to you?"

The first one replied, "Have you ever tried to wipe your ass with 3 quarters, 2 dimes, and a nickel?"

Why did the blonde stare at the orange juice?
→ Because it said "concentrate!"

The traffic light wasn't working on the corner of Broadway and 72nd Street, so the blonde stood with a large crowd of people waiting to cross, while a cop directed traffic. Finally, the cop blew his whistle, motioned to the crowd, and shouted, "Okay, pedestrians!" The throng surged across Broadway -- all except the blonde, who stayed on the corner.

When the walkers were safely on the other side of the street, the cop moved the cross-traffic through the intersection. Half a minute later, he stopped the cars on Broadway and sent the 72nd Street traffic into motion. Again, he got around to the blonde's corner, where by this time she had again been joined by a crowd of people. Tweeeeeeeet! "Okay, pedestrians!" The crowd crossed the street, but again the blonde stayed put. She looked at her watch and tapped her foot but never budged from the sidewalk.

Finally, after the cop yelled "Okay, pedestrians!" for the third time, the blonde shouted across traffic, "Yo! Officer! Isn't it about time you let the Catholics cross?"

A Blonde, a Brunette, and a Redhead walk into a bar. The bartender tells them that in the restroom, there is a magic mirror. If you tell the truth in front of it, you get the one thing you desire the most. But if you lie in front of it, you disappear and you can never come back. So, the redhead goes into the restroom and stands in front of the mirror.

"I think that I am the most beautiful person in this bar." And the Redhead walks out with a brand new red car.

Then the Brunette goes into the restroom and says to the mirror, "I think I'm the smartest person in this bar." And she gets a million dollars.

Then the Blonde goes into the restroom and says to the mirror, "I think..." POOF! She disappears.

How does a blonde like her eggs in the morning?
→ Fertilized.

- How come blonde girls have bruises around and in their bellybuttons?

- I don't know...

- Why?

- Because blonde boys are stupid as well!

What does a peroxide blonde and a 747 have in common?
→ They both have a black box.
→ Both have a cockpit.

What do blondes and beer bottles have in common?
→ They are both empty from the neck up!

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of cheerios?
→ Oh! Look!! Doughnut seeds!!!

Why don't blondes double their recipes?
→ The oven doesn't go to 700 degrees.