Blonde Jokes — most viewed jokes

Joe is sitting on a train across from a busty blonde wearing a tiny mini skirt. Despite his efforts, he is unable to stop staring at the top of her thighs. To his delight, he realises she has gone without underwear. The blonde realises he is staring and inquires, "Are you looking at my pussy?"

"Yes, I'm sorry," says Joe and promises to avert his eyes.

"It's quite alright," replies the woman, "It's very talented, watch this, I'll make it blow a kiss to you." Sure enough the pussy blows him a kiss. Joe, who is completely absorbed, inquires what else the wonder pussy can do.

"I can also make it wink," says the woman. Joe stares in amazement as the pussy winks at him.

"Come and sit next to me," suggests the woman, patting the seat. Joe moves over and is asked, "Would you like to stick a couple of fingers in?"

Stunned, Joe replies, "Good grief! Can it whistle, too?"

If a Blonde and a Brunette jump off a cliff at the same time, which one gets to the ground first?
→ The brunette... the blonde has to stop and ask for directions!

A blond and a brunette are on an elevator, suddenly a good looking handsome man gets on. So then the brunette turns to the blond and says, "Wow, he is so good looking, but that dandruff on him is a real turn off."

"I think we should give him some Head and Shoulders!" said the brunette. All of a sudden the blond turned to the brunette with a confused look and said, "Ok, but how do you give shoulders?"

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are stuck on an island. For years, they live there, and one day they find a magic lamp. They rub it, and sure enough, out comes a genie. The genie says "since I can only give out 3 wishes, you may each have one."

So the brunette goes first, "I have been stuck here for years, I miss my family and my husband and my life - I just want to go home." POOF, she is gone.

The redhead makes her wish, "This place sucks, I want to go home too." POOF, she is gone.

The blonde starts crying uncontrollably. The genie asks, "What is the matter?"

The blonde said, "I wish my friends were here."

A buxom blonde wore, at a charity ball, an enormous diamond. "It happens to be the third most famous diamond in the whole world," she boasted. "The first is the Hope Diamond, then comes the Kohinoor, and then comes this one, which is called Lipshitz."

"What a diamond!"

"How lucky you are!"

"Wait, wait, nothing in life is all mazel", said the diamonded lady, "Unfortunately, with this famous Lipshitz diamond you must take the famous Lipshitz curse!"

The ladies buzzed and asked, "And what's the Lipshitz curse?"

"Lipshitz," sighed the lady.

Once there was this brunette who was driving her corvette with the wind in her hair.

She looked and she saw a farmer with a flock of sheep so she drove over and asked the farmer "if I can guess how many sheep in you're flock will you give me a sheep."

The farmer says "OK".

The brunette says "485".

The farmer says "that's right but if I can guess you're natural hair color can I have my sheep back".

The brunette says "OK".

The farmer says "blonde".

The brunette says how did you know.

The farmer says you just picked the dog.

OK, there's a smart blonde, a brunette, and Santa Claus on top of the Empire State Building. If they all jump off at the same time, who will hit the ground first?
→ The brunette, because the other two don't exist!

Ask the following to a Blonde to see if she is a DUMB BLONDE or a smart blonde...yeah right...

1. Who do want to be most like in life:
   A) Vanna White
   B) Michelle Fiefer
   C) Britney Spears
   D) None of the Above
2. In a game of Hide-And-Go Seek, do you:
   A) Run when you see the seeker
   B) Stay hiding until the seeker finds you
   C) Run when the seeker sees you
   D) Follow the seeker quietly
3. What happens when you get Alzheimers Disease
   A) You loose alot of weight
   B) Gain weight
   C) Get really smart
   D) Loose your memory
4. How do you kill a bird:
   A) Hit it
   B) Throw it off a building
   C) Cook it
   D) All of the above
5. What's an important question about pregnancy
   A) Is it mine
   B) How far along am I
   C) Is it a boy or girl
   D) What hospital should I go to for delivery

Don't read them this part:

Results:

1. A=5pts. B=3pts. C=2pts. D=1pt.
2. A=4 B=5 C=2 D=3
3. A=4 B=3 C=5 D=1
4. A=3 B=5 C=4 D=1
5. A=5 B=1 C=3 D=2

TOTAL: 20 = Official Dumb Blonde; 15-19 = Pretty Dumb; 10-14 = Not Bad; 9 = Smart for a Blonde

There was a blonde and a brunette watching the 10:00 news. A news reporter was in the foreground, giving a report. In the background there was a man and a bridge.

"I'll bet you 50 bucks that the guy jumps off of the bridge," the brunette said to the blonde. "Okay, it's a bet." A moment later, the man did jump off the bridge and the blonde pulled out 50 dollars. "I can't take it." "You have to, it was a bet." "I really can't take it. You see, I watched the 6:00 news and saw him jump then." The brunette was feeling very humble at this point.

And the blonde said... "Well, I watched it too, but I didn't think he'd jump twice!"

A blonde ran into the hospital screaming. A doctor came running to her aid. To his surprise her ears were badly burnt and red.

- What happened? he asked.

- I was ironing my shirt and the phone rang, thinking the iron was the phone I put it to my ear, she replied.

- Oh no, but what happened to your other ear?

She frowned and replied "The jerk rang back!"