Blonde Jokes — most viewed jokes

What do you do if a blonde throws a pin at you?
→ Run like hell cause she's got a grenade in her mouth!

How many blondes does it take to make chocolate-chip cookies?
→ Three...one to mix the batter and two to squeeze the rabbit.

What do blondes do with their arseholes in the morning?
→ Pack their lunch and send them to work.

What's the first thing a blonde does in the morning?
→ Introduces themself.
→ Walks home.

Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?
→ From crawling across the street when the sign said "DON'T WALK".

How does a blonde like her eggs in the morning?
→ Fertilised.

How does a blonde like her eggs?
→ Unfertilised.

What's the first thing a blonde does after sex?
→ Opens the car door.

What's a blonde's idea of safe sex?
→ Locking the car door.

How do blondes turn the light on after sex?
→ Kick open the car door.

Did you hear about the blonde who was disappointed when she got her driver's license?
→ The instructor gave her an "F" in sex.

Why do blondes like tilt steering?
→ More head room.

Why do blondes drive cars with sunroofs?
→ More leg room.

What goes VROOM, SCREECH, VROOM, SCREECH, VROOM, SCREECH?
→ A blonde going through a flashing red light.

Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat?
→ In case she locks the keys in her car.

What does a blonde say when you ask her if her blinker is on?
→ It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off.

Why did the blonde drive into the ditch?
→ To turn the blinker off.

What do you call a dumb blonde behind a steering wheel?
→ An Air Bag.

Why are there lip stick stains on the steering wheel after a blonde drives a car?
→ Cause she blows the horn!!!!!

Why did the blonde try and steal a police car?
→ She saw "911" on the back and thought it was a Porsche.

What is the worst thing about sex with a blond?
→ Bucket seats.

What do Blondes say after sex?
→ Thanks Guys.
→ Are you boys all in the same band/team?
→ Do you guys all play for the Rams?

A blonde named Mary decides to do something really wild. Something she hasn't done before, so she goes out to rent her first X-rated adult video.

She goes to the video store, and after looking around for a while, selects a title that sounds very stimulating.

She drives home, lights some candles, slips into something comfortable, and puts the tape in the VCR.

To her disappointment, there's nothing but static on the screen, so she calls the video store to complain.

"I just rented an adult movie from you and there's nothing on the tape but static," she says.

"Sorry about that. We've had problems with some of those tapes. Which title did you rent?" the clerk replies.

"Head Cleaner," Mary replies.

What did the dumb blond say to the large breasted waitress after reading her name tag?
→ What did you name the other one!!

What's the difference between a blond and a mosquito?
→ A mosquito stops sucking once you whack it.

(This joke requires the use a small visual. I'll describe the visual first, then as I tell the joke I'll cue you when to use it)

Visual: Stretch your arms straight out sideways with hands also stretched wide open.

Why did the blonde want to date Jesus?
→ She heard he was (use visual) HUNG LIKE THIS!!!!

A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car.

Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting.

The trooper cranked down his window and yelled to the driver--"PULL OVER!"

"NO!" the blonde yelled back, "SCARF!"

How did a Blonde try to kill a bird ??
→ She through it out of the window !!

What do you get when a blond stands on her head?
→ A smelly burnette.