Blonde Jokes — most viewed jokes

A blonde named Vikki decides she wants to try horseback riding one day. So Vikki mounts the horse, taps its butt, and the horse starts to take off at a reasonable speed. She is having fun, and decides she wants to go a little faster, so she kicks the horses butt, and the horse goes just a little faster. All of a sudden Vikki begins to lose her grip on the reigns of the horse and she begins to fall off, she starts screaming but the horse seemingly unoticing its rider continues... Now Vikki is grabbing on the horses mane when she beigns to feel tired and her grip starts to fail. The blond lets go of the horses mane, only to get her foot caught in the saddle. So now she is riding along, the horse unnoticing and Vikki's head is beating against the ground over, and over, and over. She almost loses conscience when the Wal-Mart manager runs out and turns off the horse.

A blonde got lost in her car in a snow storm. She remembered what her dad had once told her. "If you ever get stuck in a snow storm, wait for a snow plow and follow it".

Pretty soon a snow plow came by, and she started to follow it. She followed the plow for about forty-five minutes.

Finally the driver of the truck got out and asked her what she was doing.

She explained that her dad had told her if she ever got stuck in the snow, to follow a plow.

The driver nodded and said, "Well, I'm done with Wal-Mart; now you can follow me over to K-Mart."

And more on blondes...

But why do brunettes take the pill?
→ Wishful Thinking.

A blonde got lost in her car in a snow storm. She remembered what her dad had once told her. "If you ever get stuck in a snow storm, wait for a snow plow and follow it."

Pretty soon a snow plow came by, and she started to follow it. She followed the plow for about forty five minutes. Finally the driver of the truck got out and asked her what she was doing. She explained that her dad had told her if she ever got stuck in the snow, to follow a plow.

The driver nodded and said, "Well, I'm done with the Wal-Mart parking lot, now you can follow me over to K-Mart."

On her way home the same blonde drove past another sign that said "CLEAN RESTROOMS 8 MILES".

By the time she drove eight miles, she had cleaned 43 restrooms.

Why do blondes wear hoop earings?
→ They have to have some place to rest their ankles.

What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive?
→ Her ankles.

What's the difference between a pit bull and a blonde with PMS?
→ Lipstick.

Why do blondes wear green lipstick?
→ Because red means stop.

Why do blondes wear red lipstick?
→ Because red means "Stop, wrong hole."

Why don't blondes use vibrators?
→ They chip their teeth.

Why do blondes have little holes all over their faces?
→ From eating with forks.

Why do blondes wear panties?
→ They make good ankle warmers.

Why don't blondes in San Francisco wear short black mini skirts?
→ Cause their balls show!

What do blondes do for foreplay?
→ Remove their underwear.

What's the mating call of the blonde?
→ "I'm sooo drunk!"

What is the mating call of the ugly blonde?
→ (Screaming) "I said: I'm drunk!"

What's the mating call of the brunette?
→ "All the blondes have gone home!"

What's a brunette's mating call?
→ Has that blonde gone yet?

What's the mating call of the redhead?
→ "Next!"

Why do Blondes like the GST? (GST -- Goods and Services Tax now in effect in Canada)
→ Because they can spell it.

What is 74 to a blonde?
→ 69 plus G.S.T.

Why do Blondes have TGIF on their shoes?
→ Toes go in first.

Why do Blondes have TGIF on their shirts?
→ Tits go in front.

What do you say to a Blonde that won't give in?
→ "Have another beer."

A blonde was complaining to her friend about constantly being called a dumb blonde. Her friend tells her "go do something to prove them wrong! Why don't you learn all the state capitals or something?" The blonde thinks this is a great idea, and locks herself up for two weeks studying. The next party she goes to, some guy is making dumb blonde comments to her. She gets all indignant and claims, "I'm NOT a dumb blonde. In fact, I can name ALL the state capitals!" The guy doesn't believe her, so she dares him to test her. He says "Okay, what's the Capital of Montana?" The blonde tosses her hair in triumph and says, "That's easy! It's M!"

What do you call a hooker and four blondes?
→ Regular price, four bucks, four bucks, four bucks, four bucks.

Why is a blonde like a door knob?
→ 'Cause everybody gets a turn.

Why is a blonde like railroad tracks?
→ 'Cause she's been laid all over the country.

What important question does a blonde ask his/her mate before having sex?
→ Do you want this by the hour, or the flat rate?

Why do blonde girls have trouble achieving orgasm?
→ Who cares?

Why do blonds have orgasms?
→ So they know when to stop having sex!

How do you tell when a blonde reaches orgasm????
→ She drops her nail-file!!!
→ Who cares?
→ She say 'Next'
→ The next person in the queue taps you on the shoulder
→ He's had his clothes for about 2 minutes
→ The batteries have run out.

Why don't blondes call 911 in an emergency?
→ They can't remember the number.
→ She can't find the number 11 on the telephone buttons.

What does a blonde say when you blow in their ear?
→ "Thanks for the refill!"

What is it called when a blonde blows in another blond's ear?
→ Data transfer.

Why do blondes have more fun?
→ Because they don't know any better.
→ They are easier to keep amused.

How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb?
→ "What's a lightbulb?"
→ One. She holds the bulb and the world revolves around her.
→ Two. One to hold the Diet Pepsi, and one to call, "Daaady!"

What's a blonde's favourite wine?
→ "Daaaady, I want to go to Miaaami!"

What do you call a basement full of blondes?
→ A whine cellar.

What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home?
→ She moved.

What does a peroxide blonde and a 747 have in common?
→ They both have a black box.
→ Both have a cockpit.

What is the difference between a blond and a 747?
→ Not everyone has been in a 747

What does a dumb blonde say when she gives birth?
→ Gee, Are you sure it's mine?

What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
→ "Are you sure it's mine?"

How do you get a blonde pregnant?
→ Come in her shoes and let the flies do the rest.

A blonde walks into an appliance store and says I would like to buy that T.V. please. The store clerk replies Im sorry, we dont do business with blondes. So she stormed off back to her house and dyed her hair black. The next day, she went back to the same store and said I would like to buy that T.V. please. The store clerk, once again, replies Sorry, we dont do business with blondes. The blonde replied How did you know I was blonde? The clerk says Because thats a microwave, not a T.V.

- Person: Are you a democrat or a republican?

- Blonde: Oh, I'm an American.