Blonde Jokes — most viewed jokes

A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small club in a small town in Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee, he's going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and starts shouting: "I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person, because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against, not only blondes, but women in general...and all in the name of humor!"

The ventriloquist is embarrassed and begins to apologize, when the blonde yells, "You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little idiot on your knee!"

Why did the blonde insist her partner use a condom?
→ She wanted to save a dogie bag for later.

What is it called when a blonde blows in another blond's ear?
→ Data transfer.

A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out. Her boss, concerned about his employee's well being, asks sympathetically, "What's the matter?"

The blonde replies, "Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away."

"I'm terribly sorry to hear that. Why don't you go home for the day... we aren't terribly busy. Just take the day off to relax and rest."

The blonde very calmly explains, "No, I'd be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it and I have the best chance of doing that here."

The boss agrees and allows the blonde to work as usual. "If you need anything, just let me know," he says.

A few hours pass and the boss decides to check on the blonde. He looks out over his office and sees the blonde crying hysterically. He rushes out to her, and asks, "Are you going to be okay? Is there anything I can do to help?"

"No," replies the blonde, "I just got a call from my sister, and she said that HER mom died too!"

A blonde walks into the police department looking for a job.

The officer wants to ask her a few questions....

- Officer: What's 2+2?

- Blonde: Ummmmm... 4!

- Officer: What's the square root of 100?

- Blonde: Ummmm... 10!

- Officer: Good! Now, who killed Abraham Lincoln?

- Blonde: Ummmm... I dunno.

- Officer: Well, you can go home and think about it. Come back tomorrow.

The blonde goes home and calls up one of her friends, who asks her if she got the job. The blonde says, excitedly, "Not only did I get the job, I'm already working on a murder case!"

A blonde came running home to her mother, sobbing and hysterical.

"What's wrong?" her mum, (another blonde) asked.

"My boyfriend's just dropped me!" wailed the blonde.

Her mother nodded wisely and started to tell her all about the birds and the bees.

"No mum," the blonde interrupted. "You don't understand - I can fuck and suck with the best of them, but he says I can't cook!"

A blonde is speaking to her psychiatrist.

- Blonde: I'm on the road a lot, and my clients are complaining that they can never reach me.

- Psychiatrist: Don't you have a phone in your car?

- Blonde: That was a little too expensive, so I did the next best thing. I put a mailbox in my car.

- Psychiatrist: Uh ... How's that working?

- Blonde: Actually, I haven't gotten any letters yet.

- Psychiatrist: And why do you think that is?

- Blonde: I figure it's because when I'm driving around, my zip code keeps changing.

What's the difference between a blonde and a limousine?
→ Not everybody has been in a limo.

What's the difference between a blonde track team and a tribe of sly pygmies?
→ One's a bunch a cunning runts ...

What's the difference between a blonde and a toothbrush?
→ You don't let your best friend borrow your toothbrush.

What's the difference between a blonde and your job?
→ Your job still sucks after 6 months.

What's the difference between a blond having her period and a terrorist?
→ You can negotiate with a terrorist.

What is the difference between a blonde and a shopping trolley?
→ The shopping trolley has a mind of its own!

What's the difference between a blonde and the Suez Canal?
→ One's a busy ditch.

What is the difference between a blond and a toilet?
→ A toilet won't follow you around after you use it.

What's the difference between a blonde and a rooster?
→ In the morning a rooster says, "Cock'll-doodl-doooo", while a blonde says, "Any-cock'll-doooo."

Why is a washing machine better than a blonde?
→ Because you can drop your load in a washing machine, and it won't follow you around for a week.

What do blondes and cow-pats have in common?
→ They both get easier to pick-up with age.

How did the blonde die drinking milk?
→ The cow fell on her.

What does a screen door and a blonde have in common?
→ The more you bang it the looser it gets.

What does a blond and a beer bottle have in common?
→ They're both empty from the neck up.

What do blonds and spagetthii have in common?
→ They both wriggle when you eat them.

What do peroxide blonds and black men have in common?
→ They both have black roots.

What do Darren Millane (Collingwood footballer killed in a recent car crash) and a blonde have in common?
→ Put either of 'em in a car and their fucked.

Why did the deaf blond sit on a newspaper?
→ So she could lip read.

How do you drown a blond?
→ Put a mirror at the bottom of the pool.

How do you drown a blonde?
→ Don't tell her to swallow.

She was so blond, she thought Boys II Men was a daycare center.

One blonde to another...

- Have you ever read Shakespeare?

- No. Who wrote it?