Blonde Jokes — most viewed jokes

Here's a little bit-a-dis and a little bit-a-dat:How can you tell the Irish guy in the hospital? He's the one blowing the foam off of his bedpan. ===========================Why don't Italians have acne? It slides off. ==========================Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a black baby? They named him Sum Ting Wong! ==========================What do you call an Amish guy with his hand up a horses behind? A Mechanic. =========================What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other? A Speech Impediment! =========================What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half mast? They're hiring. =========================Why aren't there any Puerto Ricans on Star Trek? Because they're not going to work in the future either. =========================Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi? He walks around saying "Yo!" ========================Where does an Irish family go on vacation? A different bar. ========================How many cops does it take to push a black man down the stairs? NONE- "He fell". ========================Q. How do you make a cat drink? A. Put it in a blender, and strain off the fur. ========================Q. Why do Jewish men like to watch porno movies backward? A. They like the part where the hooker gives the money back. ========================Q. What is the first thing a blonde hears in the morning? A. "See ya." ========================Q. Did you hear about the red ship and the blue ship that collided? A. The survivors were marooned. ========================Q: What do Jimmy Hoffa and Linda Tripp have in common? A: Nothing... yet. ========================

What's the ultimate embarrassment for a blonde?
→ When her ben-wa balls set off the airport metal detector.

One day a blond went out to check her mail box. There was nothing in it. Her neighbor who was also out there gives her a weird look.

An hour later she goes back out to her mailbox and goes back in cause there was nothing in it and her neighbor goes "What the hell is she doing?"

An hour later she goes back out side and looks in the mailbox and there is nothing in it. Finally the neighbor gets curious enough to ask her what she is doing. The blone says, "My stupid computer keeps saying you've got mail."

Why do blondes stand under light bulbs?
→ It's the closest they'll come to a bright idea.

What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home?
→ She moved.

What's the difference between a prostitute, a nymphomaniac, and a blonde?
→ The prostitute says, "Aren't you done yet?"
→ The nympho says, "Are you done already?"
→ The blonde says, "Beige. . . I think I'll paint the ceiling beige."

How do you get a blonde to marry you?
→ Tell her she's pregnant.

What will she ask you?
→ "Is it mine?"

Two tourists were driving through Louisiana. As they were approaching Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch. As they stood at the counter, one tourist asked the "blonde" employee: "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are at... VERY SLOWLY?" The blonde girl leaned over the counter and said...

"Burrrrrrrr, Gerrrrrrr, Kiiiiing"

A Blonde walks into a Restaraunt, and she goes straight to the bulletin board in the back. She looks at the bulletin board and sees a piece of paper that sais "Ocean Cruise Only 5$".

She pulls the piece of paper off the wall and goes to the address listed on the back of paper. She walks into the building and hands the secretary the piece of paper.

The secretary nods and asks if she had the five dollars. The blonde nods and pulls five dollars out of her pocket and hands it to the secretary.

The secretary looks over to a burly black guy reading a news paper. She nods to the black guy. He stands up and knocks the blonde unconcious.

When the blonde wakes up, she's tied to a log and is floating down river. She started to think that this was a bad idea, when all of a sudden she sees one of her friends, (who is also blonde) tied to a log floating right next to her.

The blonde she looks at her freind and says "So do you think they're going to serve us some food on this trip?"

And the other blonde replies "They didn't serve any last year?"

A friend meets up with her friend as she is picking her car up from the mechanic.

Her friend asks, "Everything ok with your car now?"

The blonde replies, "Yes, thank goodness. I was worried that my mechanic might try to rip me off, so I was relieved when he told me all I needed was blinker fluid."