At Work — most viewed jokes

Two Italian construction workers were in the field on an extremely hot day working. The one says to the other, "Hey, how come we do all a da work and he gets all a da money?" pointing to the supervisor. The other says, "I don't know, go ask him."

So Guido goes up to the supervisor and says, "Hey, how come we do all a da work and you get all a da money?"

The supervisor says, "Intelligence."

Guido says, "What is this intelligence?"

The supervisor puts his hand on a tree and says, "Hita my hand as hard as you can!"

Guido winds up and with all his might tries to hit the supervisor's hand. Just as he almost does the supervisor pulls his hand away and Guido hits the tree! The supervisor says, "That's intelligence."

Still smarting Guido goes back to his co-worker and his co-worker says, "Hey what did he say?"

With a sheepish look on his face Guido puts his hand on his face and says, "Hita my hand as hard as you can. . ."

A man went to apply for a job. After filling out all of his applications, he waited anxiously for the outcome.

The employer read all his applications and said, "We have an opening for people like you."

"Oh, great," he said, "What is it?"

"It's called the door!"

A job negotiator and a feminist were in dispute... The feminist was arguing over the different pay scales that her women were receiving...

- Fem: Okay, why are women paid less than men for doing the same job that a man does.

- Neg: It says in the Bible that women are worth less than men.

- Fem: Where does it say that? I don't think so.

- Neg: Well, you do agree that woman was made from a rib, correct?

- Fem: Yeah, so?

- Neg: Well, there you have it. A rib is a cheaper cut of meat!

An Arthur Anderson partner comes back to his office and says to his manager, "Did you get my message where I said, 'Ship the Enron documents to the Feds'?"

The manager goes white. "Oh My God! I thought you said rip the Enron documents to shreds."

Why did the former porn actor get fired from his job as a gas station attendant?
→ Right before the tanks were full, he would pull out the nozzle and spray gas all over the car.

Why did the bowlegged cowboy get fired?
→ Because he couldn't keep his calves together!

An Irishman goes for a job on a building site.

The man says, "Can you brew tea?"

The Irishman says, "Yes."

"Good. Can you drive a fork lift?"

The Irishman looks at him and asks, "Why? How big is the teapot?"

Did you hear about the Mexican bricklayer who went crazy trying to lay a cornerstone in a roundhouse.

Our team is doing so badly that "Manager of the Month" isn't an award.
It's an appointment!

I've never been much on fashion, but got quite a few compliments on a new sports jacket I wore to work one day.
My secretary asked me where I got it and I told her that it was a surprise from my wife. I went home early yesterday, and there it was, on the back of a kitchen chair.