At Work — most viewed jokes

January 1, 2000

Dear (enter employee name here)

Re: Vacation Pay

Our records indicate that you have not used any vacation time over the past 100 year(s). As I'm sure you are aware, employees are granted 3 weeks of paid leave per year or pay in lieu of time off.

One additional week is granted for every 5 years of service. Please either take 9,400 days off work or notify our office and your next pay cheque will reflect payment of $8,277,432.22 which will include all pay and interest for the past 1,200 months.

Sincerely,
Automated Payroll Processing

How many PA's does it take to screw in a light bulb?
→ What's a light bulb?

A male-to-female transexual was recently interviewed on a radio talk show.

The DJ asked the transexual about what, if any, pain the person experienced during the operation.

The transexual replied, "Well, when they cut my penis off, that really didn't hurt too much. Even when they implanted the breasts in my chest, well, that really didn't hurt too much either...."

"Then you didn't experience any real physical pain at all then?"

"Hell no! It hurt like hell when they stuck that big fucking needle in my head and sucked out all my brains and then cut my salary in half!"

Tyfus applied for a job in a factory.

The company doctor who was giving him a physical asked, "Have your eyes ever been checked?"

"No," said the worker.
"They've always been brown."

How many architects does it take to change a light bulb?
→ Just one, but he has to coordinate ten other professionals who are doing this quiet complicated task.

Why did the toad become a lighthouse keeper?
→ He had his own frog-horn.

How many Executive Producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
→ Executive Producers don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.

SIX PHASES OF THE MONTH IN NAVY RECRUITING

1. ENTHUSIASM
2. DISILUSIONMENT
3. PANIC
4. SEARCH FOR THE GUILTY
5. PUNISHMENT OF THE INNOCENT
6. PRAISE AND HONORS FOR THE NON-PARTICIPANTS

How does a barber make phone calls?
→ He cuts them short.

For what person do all men take off their hats?
→ The barber.