At Work — most viewed jokes

What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory?
→ Proofreading.

The real interpretation of corportate titles:

CHAIRMAN OF THE BOARD

• Leaps tall building in a single bound
• Is more powerful than a locomotive
• Is faster than a speeding bullet
• Walks on water
• Discusses policy with God

PRESIDENT

• Leaps short buildings in a single bound
• Is more powerful than a switch engine
• Is just as fast as a speeding bullet
• Walks on water if the sea is calm
• Talks with God

EXECUTIVE VICE PRESIDENT

• Leaps short buildings with a running start and favorable winds.
• Is almost as powerful as a switch engine
• Is faster than a speeding BB.
• Walks on water in an indoor swimming pool
• Talks with God if special request is approved

VICE PRESIDENT

• Barely clears a Quonset hut
• Loses tug-of-war with a locomotive
• Can fire a speeding bullet
• Swims well
• Is occasionally addressed by God

GENERAL MANAGER

• Makes high marks on the wall when trying to leap buildings
• Is run over by locomotive
• Can sometimes handle a gun without inflicting self-injury
• Dog paddles
• Talks to animals

MANAGER

• Runs into buildings
• Recognizes locomotive two out of three times
• Is not issued ammunition
• Can't stay afloat with a life preserver
• Talks to walls

TRAINEE

• Falls over doorsteps when trying to enter building
• Says "look at the choo-choo"
• Wets him/herself with a water pistol
• Plays in mud puddles
• Mumbles to him/herself

SECRETARY

• Lifts buildings and walks under them
• Kicks locomotives off the tracks
• Catches speeding bullets in his/her teeth
• Freezes water with a single glance
• To all of the above...is God!

How many McDonald's counter girls does it take to change a light bulb?
→ Two. One to change it and one to put some chips with it.

What do you get if you cross a radio music presenter with Match of the Day?
→ DDDDDDDDDDDDDJ!

Edney and Cole, two Ohio Edison electrical repairmen, were working on a blown house circuit.

"Hey, Cole!" said Edney. "See those two wires?"

"Sure," Cole answered.

"Now just grab one of them."

Cole grabbed one of the wires.

"Feel anything?" asked his partner.

"Not a thing," answered Cole.

"Good!" said Edney. "Don't touch the other one or you'll drop dead!"

- Customer: Couldn't you see I was going bald?

- Barber: No, the shine from your head blinded me.

Tech Support hotlines are not easy work, you get calls from all sorts of idiotic users that apparently can't read a manual, or lack common sense. Here is a transcript of just one such case:

- Caller: Hello is this Packard Bell Tech support?

- Tech: Yes how can I help you?

- Caller: The cup holder on front of my computer broke off and it is still under warranty, how do I go about getting it fixed?

- Tech: Excuse, you've stumped me. How did you get this cup holder, was it part of some promotion?

- Caller: It came with the computer, I don't know of any promotion.

- Tech: Does it have any markings on it, any names, any symbols?

- Caller: Yes, it says 4X!

How many art directors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
→ Does it have to be a light bulb?
I've got this neat candle holder...

Why should you keep a blonde on the job 7 days a week?
→ So you don't have to retrain them every Monday.

Bill Clinton made up a list of things he can say to his secretaries so they will know what he really wants, but everyone else will ignore.

So one day, he hires a new secretary, and then calls her over the intercom. "Hello Ms., could you please come in here and fix my clock". Of course, she innocently agreed. She walked into the office, and looked around. "Where's the clock sir?", she asked.

Suddenly, the president stood up and dropped his pants. "That's not a clock Mr. Clinton !", she exclaimed.

"It will be", he replied, "Once you put two hands and a face on it !".