Corporate Titles Decoded

The real interpretation of corportate titles:

CHAIRMAN OF THE BOARD

- Leaps tall building in a single bound

- Is more powerful than a locomotive

- Is faster than a speeding bullet

- Walks on water

- Discusses policy with God

PRESIDENT

- Leaps short buildings in a single bound

- Is more powerful than a switch engine

- Is just as fast as a speeding bullet

- Walks on water if the sea is calm

- Talks with God

EXECUTIVE VICE PRESIDENT

- Leaps short buildings with a running start and favorable winds.

- Is almost as powerful as a switch engine

- Is faster than a speeding BB.

- Walks on water in an indoor swimming pool

- Talks with God if special request is approved

VICE PRESIDENT

- Barely clears a Quonset hut

- Loses tug-of-war with a locomotive

- Can fire a speeding bullet

- Swims well

- Is occasionally addressed by God

GENERAL MANAGER

- Makes high marks on the wall when trying to leap buildings

- Is run over by locomotive

- Can sometimes handle a gun without inflicting self-injury

- Dog paddles

- Talks to animals

MANAGER

- Runs into buildings

- Recognizes locomotive two out of three times

- Is not issued ammunition

- Can't stay afloat with a life preserver

- Talks to walls

TRAINEE

- Falls over doorsteps when trying to enter building

- Says "look at the choo-choo"

- Wets him/herself with a water pistol

- Plays in mud puddles

- Mumbles to him/herself

SECRETARY

- Lifts buildings and walks under them

- Kicks locomotives off the tracks

- Catches speeding bullets in his/her teeth

- Freezes water with a single glance

- To all of the above...is God!