Animal Jokes — most viewed jokes

A prisoner at the Edmonton Max started training a large fly to do tricks.

For years, for thousands of hours, he worked with the insect. It learned to walk across a miniature high wire, ride a tiny one-wheel bike, balance on a pair of stilts and sing songs from PHANTOM OF THE OPERA.

- When you and I get out of here, - the jailbird said to the fly, - we're going to tour the nightspots and make a fortune.

Finally the day arrived. Fly safely tucked away in his pocket, (inside its matchbox home), the ex-con made his way to a bar to celebrate.

At the bar, he brought out his trick fly. On cue, it started moonwalking.

- What about this fly, eh? - he said to the bartender.

In one swift motion, the bartender reached for his copy of the newspaper THE EDMONTON SUN, rolled it up and squished the fly with a mighty swipe.

- Glad you saw it, - muttered the bartender.

- Blasted things are everywhere.

A man walks into a doctors office one day with a frog on his head.

He sits down and the doctor says:

- What's the problem?

The frog says:

- Doctor, is there any way you can get this wart off my ass?

A horse wanders into a bar and orders a tall one.

The bartender says:

- Hey fella, why the long face?

A man took his dog to the vets and asked the vet to completely remove the dogs tail. The vet confused said "Why do you want me to do that? the dogs tail is perfectly healthy." The man replied "Well the wifes mother comes this weekend and I want to make sure there are no signs of any welcome!!"

Sally was a girl with no horseback riding experience, yet one day she discided to take her chances. As she climbed on the big Palimino, it took off at a gallop. Sally was sliding off. She tried to grab the mane but she couldn't seem to get a grip. So in a great rush she threw herself from the thundering horse, but her foot got caught in the stirup. She was at the mercy of the pounding hooves, near unconsciousness, when......

The Wall Mart manager came out to turn the ride off.

A robber was shinning his torch around at some objects.

- Jesus is watching you - a voice said

- Huh?, oh well - the robber said and continued shinning his torch.

- Jesus is watching you - the voice continued.

The robber shined his torch to were the voice came from and found a parrot.

- Oh, it's you - the robber said.

- I'm just trying to warn you - the parrot said.

- Oh, that's nice - the robber said, pretending to be scared:

- what's your name?

- Moses.

- Moses? What kind of idiot would call a parrot Moses?

- The same kind of idiot that would call a rottweiler Jesus!

What do you get if cross a frog with some mist?
→ Kermit the Fog!

A librarian was quietly working when three chickens walked in and jumped on to the counter eyed her and said:

- BUK BUK BUK

Not sure she was sane she gave the chikens three books and they left.

An hour later in walked the chickens again jumped onto the counter, returned the books they had taken earlier and said:

- BUK BUK BUK

Now convinced she was out of her mind she gave them three books, they took one each and left. This time she decided to follow them. She followed them down to the local pond and stood horrified as they threw the books into the water.

All of a sudden they flew back out of the pond and a frog stuck it's head up saying:

- RREDIT RREDIT RREDIT!

What is the pink stuff between elephant's toes?
→ Slow clowns.

Why couldn't the alligator send e-mails on his PC?
→ Because it was on old croc.