Animal Jokes — most viewed jokes

What do you call four sheep tied to a post in Cardiff (Wales)?
→ A leisure centre.

Rabbit's Ph.

D. Thesis: A Parable for Graduate StudentsScene: It's a fine sunny day in the forest, and a rabbit is sitting outsidehis burrow, tippy-tapping on his typewriter.

Along comes a fox, out for a walk.

Fox: "What are you working on?"

Rabbit: "My thesis."

Fox: "Hmmm. What's it about?"

Rabbit: "Oh, I'm writing about how rabbits eat foxes."(incredulous pause)Fox: "That's ridiculous! Any fool knows that rabbits don't eat foxes."

Rabbit: "Sure they do, and I can prove it. Come with me."

They both disappear into the rabbit's burrow. After a few minutes, therabbit returns, alone, to his typewriter and resumes typing.

Soon, a wolf comes along and stops to watch the hardworking rabbit.

Wolf: "What's that you're writing?"

Rabbit: "I'm doing a thesis on how rabbits eat wolves."(loud guffaws)Wolf: "You don't expect to get such rubbish published, do you?"

Rabbit: "No problem. Do you want to see why?"

The rabbit and the wolf go into the burrow, and again the rabbitreturns by himself, after a few minutes, and goes back to typing.

Scene: Inside the rabbit's burrow. In one corner, there is a pile of fox bones. In another corner, a pile of wolf bones. On the other side of the room, a huge lion is belching and picking his teeth. (The End) Moral: It doesn't matter what you choose for a thesis subject. It doesn't matter what you use for data. What does matter is who you have for a thesis advisor.

What do you call an ant who lives with your great uncle?
→ Your great-ant!

Who was the most famous ant scientist?
→ Albert Antstein!

What games to ants play with elephants?
→ Squash!

What do you call a 100 year old ant?
→ An antique!

What kind of ant can you colour with?
→ A crayant!

Who is the most famous French ant?
→ Napoleant!

Why did the ant-elope?
→ Nobody gnu!

What is the biggest ant in the world?
→ An elephant!

Why don't anteaters get sick?
→ Because they are full of antibodies!

What do you call an ant who likes to be alone?
→ An independant!

What do you do if you come across an elephant in the jungle?
→ Wipe it off and say you're sorry.

How do you hire a teddy bear?
→ Put him on stilts!

What do you call a big white bear with a hole in his middle?
→ A polo bear!

Why do polo bears like bald men?
→ Because they have a great, white, bear place!

What do polo bears have for lunch?
→ Ice burger!

What's a teddy bears favorite pasta?
→ Tagliateddy!

What do Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common?
→ They both have 'the' as their middle names!

Why is polar bear cheap to have as a pet?
→ It lives on ice!

Why shouldn't you take a bear to the zoo?
→ Because they'd rather go to the cinema!

What is a bear's favorite drink?
→ Koka-Koala!

Why was the little bear so spoiled?
→ Because its mother panda'd to its every whim!

A normally sweet Great Dane Psil has one quirk: she hates United Parcel Service drivers.

While walk Psil one day, around the corner of a house came a UPS man.

Struggling to keep hold of Psil, the owner tried to ease the situation said, "As you can see, he just loves UPS men."

"Don't you feed her anything else?" he responded.

President Clinton, returning from a campaign stop in Arkansas, is climbing the steps to board Air Force One. Under each arm he is carrying a souvenir of his trip -- a live razorback. At the top of the jetway, he is met by the guard, a Marine sergeant, who issues a crisp salute.

"I'd salute you back, Sergeant," says the President, "but as you can see, I've got my hands full."

"Yes, sir," replies the sergeant. "Very nice pigs, sir. Very nice pigs."

"Why, these aren't pigs," the President responds. "These are RAZORBACKS!"

"Yes, sir -- razorbacks. Sorry, sir."

"Yup," Clinton continues. "Got this one for Chelsea, and this one for Hillary."

The sergeant replies: "Very good trade, sir -- very good trade."

Who is the bees favorite singer?
→ Sting!

Who is the bees favorite pop group?
→ The bee gees!

What do you get if you cross a bee with a skunk?
→ An animal that stinks and stings!

What does a queen bee do when she burps?
→ Issues a royal pardon!

How does a queen bee get around her hive?
→ She's throne!

What does the bee Santa Claus say?
→ Ho hum hum!

Why do bees hum?
→ Because they've forgotten the words!

What kind of bees hum and drop things?
→ A fumble bee!

What did the bee say to the flower?
→ Hello honey!

What's a bees favorite flower?
→ A bee-gonias!

Why did the queen bee kick out all of the other bees?
→ Because they kept droning on and on!

What do you call a bee born in May?
→ A maybe!

What kind of bee can't be understood?
→ A mumble bee!

Where do bees keep their money?
→ In a honey box!

What TV station do bees watch?
→ Bee bee c one!

What did the bee say to the naughty bee?
→ Bee-hive yourself!

Why did the bees go on strike?
→ Because they wanted more honey and shorter working flowers!

Why do bees have sticky hair?
→ Beacuse of the honey combs!

What is black and yellow and buzzes along at 30,000 feet?
→ A bee is an aeroplane!

This aussie caught this Kiwi having a bit of fun with a sheep.....

"Mate", the aussie said, "Over there we shear them".

The kiwi replied, "Mate, I'm not shearing this with innyone"