Animal Jokes — most viewed jokes

Come on, Fred, I'll take you to the zoo. If the zoo wants me, let them come and get me!

Why did the dirty chicken cross the road?
→ For some fowl purpose!

How do sheep keep warm in winter?
→ Central bleating!

How do chickens dance?
→ Chick to chick!

What do you call a crazy chicken?
→ A cuckoo-cluck!

What do you call a bull who tells jokes?
→ Laugh-a-bull!

What do you get if you cross a cow, a sheep and a goat?
→ The milky baa kid!

What is a duck's favorite dance?
→ The quackstep!

Which dance will a chicken not do?
→ The foxtrot!

What do you get if you cross a sheep with a kangaroo?
→ A woolly jumper!

A biologist was interested in studying how far bullfrogs can jump. He brought a bullfrog into his laboratory, set it down, and commanded, "Jump, frog, jump!"

The frog jumped across the room.

The biologist measured the distance, then noted in his journal, "Frog with four legs jumped eight feet."

Then he cut the frog's front legs off. Again he ordered, "Jump, frog, jump!"

The frog struggled a moment, then jumped a few feet.

After measuring the distance, the biologist noted in his journal, "Frog with two legs jumped three feet."

Next, the biologist cut off the frog's back legs. Once more, he shouted, "Jump, frog, jump!"

The frog just lay there.

"Jump, frog, jump!" the biologist repeated.

Nothing.

The biologist noted in his journal, "Frog with no legs - lost its hearing."

What is the difference between a fly and a bird?
→ A bird can fly but a fly can't bird!

A man was driving up a steep and narrow mountain road.

A woman was driving down the same road. As they passed each other, the woman leaned out the window and yelled, "Pig!" The man immediately leaned out his window and replied, "Bitch!" They continue on their way and as the man rounded the next corner, he crashes into a pig in the middle of the road.

What is green and brown, has four legs and can kill you if it falls out of a tree and lands on you?
→ A pool table?

What is a grasshopper?
→ An insect on a pogo stick!

What did one firefly say to the other?
→ Got to glow now!

A prominent Polish scientist conducted very important experiment. He trained a flea to jump upon giving her a verbal command ("Jump!").

In a first stage of experiment he removed flea's leg, told her to jump, and the flea jumped. So he wrote in his scientific notebook: "Upon removing one leg all flea organs function properly."

So, he removed the second leg, asked the flea to jump, she obeyed, so he wrote again: "Upon removing the second leg all flea organs function properly."

Thereafter he removed all the legs but one, the flea jumped when ordered, so he wrote again: "Upon removing the next leg all flea organs function properly."

Then he removed the last leg. Told flea to jump, and nothing happened. He did not want to take a chance, so he repeated the experiment several times, and the leg less flea never jumped. So he wrote the conclusion: "Upon removing the last leg the flea loses sense of hearing"

What do you call a python with a great bedside manner?
→ A snake charmer.