Animal Jokes — most viewed jokes

Why are glow worms good to carry in your bag?
→ They can lighten your load!

What do you get if you all sit under a cow?
→ A pat on the head!

What's the best way to make a bull sweat?
→ Put him in a tight jumper!

What do you call a pig that took a plane?
→ Swine flu!

What kind of doctor treats ducks?
→ A quack!

What did the well mannered sheep say to his friend at the field gate?
→ Afer ewe!

Why did the ram fall over the cliff?
→ He didn't see the ewe turn!

What do cows like to dance to?
→ Any kind of moosic you like!

Where do sheep get shorn?
→ At the baa baas!

What do you get if you cross a steer with a tadpole?
→ A bullfrog!

Did you hear about the blind skunk who fell in love with a fart?

- Caller: Finally! I got through! I've been trying to call the zoo for hours!

- Zookeeper: Yes, all our lions were busy!

A cowboy along with his horse and dog are captured late one afternoon by hostile Indians. This presents no problem for the horse as the Indians can always use another pony. The dog's fate is some what tenuous but it is certain that the cowboy will be burned at the stake the following sunrise. That evening the Indian chief tells the cowboy that he can have one last wish, within reason, before meeting his ultimate fate the following morning. The cowboy tells the chief that his last request is to see his faithful dog, Rex. When the dog is brought by the Indians the cowboy strokes and pets his companion and whispers something into his ear. At once the dog bounds and runs through the Indian village and over the hill. This does not particularly distress the Indians as they didn't really know what to do with the dog anyway.

At about 8 o'clock that evening the dog returns accompanied by some two dozen hookers from the closest town. Needless to say the braves were delighted at the prospect of an evening's entertainment.

As the orgy wore on through the night, the chief told the cowboy that his stake burning was being postponed as they were all too tired from partying.

The next day, the chief said to the cowboy, "in gratitude for furnishing the ladies last night, I'm going to grant you another request before you are burned at the stake in the morning." Again the cowboy requests to see his faithful dog. When the dog is brought forth the cowboy again strokes and pets his companion and whispers into his ear, "this may be my last chance Rex, so please get it right this time --- go to town and get the posse!"

Why did the cactus cross the road?
→ It was stuck to the dumb chicken

What do headmasters and bullfrogs have in common?
→ Both have big heads that consist mostly of mouth!

Where do hamsters come from?
→ Hamsterdam!

What do you call a dog with two balls and no hind legs?
→ Sparky

A guy walks into a pet store wanting a parrot. The store clerk shows him two beautiful ones out on the floor.
"This one's $5,000 and the other is $10,000." the clerk said.
"Wow! What does the $5,000 one do?"
"This parrot can sing every aria Mozart ever wrote."
"And the other?" said the customer.
"This one can sing Wagner's entire Ring cycle. There's another one in the back room for $30,000."
"Holy moly! What does that one do?"
"Nothing that I can tell, but the other two parrots call him 'Maestro'."