Animal Jokes — most viewed jokes

What is the definition of "derange"?
→ De place where de cowboys ride!

What did the mooron say when he saw the milk cartons in the grass?
→ "Hey! Look at the cow's nest!"

What do you do with old cannon balls?
→ Give them to elephants to use as marbles!

What would you get if you crossed a dinosaur with a pig?
→ Jurassic pork!

Does running out of a burning barn make a cow unusual?
→ No, only medium rare!

When is it unlucky to see a black cat?
→ When your a mouse!

What does a spider do when he gets angry?
→ He goes up the wall!

Calvin went to Pearson's Pet Shop to complain that his canary wouldn't sing.

"File the beak just a little," said the owner, "and the bird will sing. But if you file it too much, the canary will die."

Two weeks later Pearson ran into Calvin on the street and asked about his canary.

"He died," said Calvin.

"But I told you not to file the beak too much."

"I didn't," explained Calvin, "but by the time I got him out of the vise, he was already dead."

How do you make a small fortune out of horses?
→ Start off with a large fortune!

Winnie and Piglet sit on the bank of the river and smoke dope.
A crocodile comes out of the river:

- Hey pals, let me have a whiff.

- Get lost, oh green one!

- Come on guys, just one!

- Go %@~# yourself!

So what would you do? Well, the crocodile swallows Piglet and sits in his place.
Winnie, inhaling, is holding the butt out to Piglet and suddenly sees a crocodile.

- W-ell, it seems enough for you, pig!