Animal Jokes — most viewed jokes

Paul got off the elevator on the 40th floor and nervously knocked on his blind date's door. She opened it and was as beautiful and charming as everyone had said.

- I'll be ready in a few minutes - she said.

- Why don't you play with Rollo while you're waiting? He does wonderful tricks. He rolls over, shakes hands, sits up, and if you make a hoop with your arms, he'll jump through.

The dog followed Paul onto the balcony and started rolling over. Paul made a hoop with his arms and Rollo jumped through -- and over the balcony railing. Just then Paul's date walked out.

- Isn't Rollo the cutest, happiest dog you've ever seen?

- To tell the the truth - he replied.

- he seemed a little depressed to me.

A duck walks into a drugstore and says to the pharmacist:

- Gimme a chap stick.

The pharmacist asks the duck:

- Will that be cash or charge?

The duck replies:

- Just put it on my bill.

The next day, the duck goes back to the drugstore and says to the clerk:

- Give me a box of condoms.

The clerk says:

- Do you want me to also put them on your bill?

The duck says:

- Hell no, I'm not that kind of duck!

What do most people do when they see a python?
→ They re-coil!

Why did the rabbits go on strike?
→ They wanted a better celery!

Why did the spider buy a car?
→ So he could take it out for a spin!

What do you get if you cross a centipede and a chicken?
→ Enough drumsticks to feed an army!

Why did the queen bee kick out all of the other bees?
→ Because they kept droning on and on!

Why do bees buzz?
→ Because they can't whistle!

What kind of bees hum and drop things?
→ A fumble bee!

- Loomis: Does your dog have a license?

- Fenton: Hell, no! I do all the drivin'.