Animal Jokes — most viewed jokes

Who sleeps at the bottom of the sea?
→ Jack the kipper!

I was glad when one fish got away.

There just wasn't room in the boat for both of us!

What's got four legs and no ears?
→ Mike Tyson's dog.

Why doesn't a dog ever have a nose 12 inches long?
→ Because then it would be a foot.

Where do you usually find dogs?
→ It all depends on where you lose them.

There was this blonde girl who had gotten fed up with blonde jokes, so she decided to dye her hair black.

So she did, and she was sooooo happy with it that she went to her car and drove around just to show off her new look. She was coming up to this intersection when she saw a shepeherd by the road waiting to cross with his flock of lambs. The girl stopped and waved him to pass.

While the flock was crossing the road, she asked the shepherd:

- If I can guess how many sheep you got there, would you give me one?

He thought about the offer for a minute and decided it was ok. The girl looked at the flock and exclaimed:

- 487. The shepherd said:

- WOW! That's right...well...take any sheep you like...a deal's a deal. So she gets the animal and happily puts him in the back of her car, when the shepehrd says:

- WAIT!

Now I have a deal for you.... if I guess the real color of your hair can I have my dog back?

A lawyer's dog, running about unleashed, b-lines for the local butcher shop and steals a roast off the counter. The butcher goes to the lawyer's office and asks:

- if a dog, running unleashed, steals a piece of meat from my store, do I have a right to demand payment for the meat from the dog's owner?

- Absolutely - the lawyer responded.

The butcher immediately shot back:

- Good! You owe me $7.99 for the roast your dog stole from me this morning.

The lawyer, without a word, writes the butcher a check for $7.99.

A few days later, the butcher, browsing through his mail, finds an envelope from the lawyer. The contents reads:

- Consultation: $25.00.

What is the difference between men and pigs?
→ Pigs don't turn into men when they drink.

What do you get if you cross a worm and an elephant?
→ Very big worm holes in your garden!

Whatever happened to the bedbugs who fell in love?
→ They got married in the spring.