Random joke from this category
What does a caterpillar do on New Years Day?
→ Turns over a new leaf!
What is the definition of a caterpillar?
→ A worm in a fur coat!
What has stripes and pulls a tractor?
→ A caterpillar tractor!
What does a cat go to sleep on?
→ A caterpillow!
What's green and dangerous?
→ A caterpillar with a machine gun!
What pillar doesn't need holding up?
→ A caterpillar!
Why did the chicken cross the road?
→ To show the armadillo that it was possible.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
→ To get away from Colonel Sanders!
Why did the chicken cross the road twice?
→ Because it was a double-crosser.
Why did the Iraqi chicken cross the road?
→ To take over the other side.
Why did the chicken cross the playground?
→ To get to the other slide.
Why did the chicken cross the beach?
→ To get to the other tide.
Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
→ Chickens hadn't evolved yet.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
→ To escape an oppressive military regime.
A golf pro was helping this attractive young woman with her swing when his zipper got caught in the rhinestones on the back of her skirt. Needless to say this was embarrassing to both of them since their relationship had been purely platonic. They decided to walk together in this lock-step back to the clubhouse where certainly a pair of needle-nosed pliers would fix the problem. Just as they turned the corner to the clubhouse a German Shepherd ran up and threw a bucket of water on them.
Three rats are sitting at the bar talking bragging about their bravery and toughness.
The first says, "I'm so tough, once I ate a whole bagful of rat poison!"
The second says, "Well I'm so tough, once I was caught in a rat trap and I bit it apart!"
Then the third rat gets up and says, "Later guys, I'm off home to harass the cat."
Two lawyers were out hunting when they came upon a couple of tracks. After close examination, the first lawyer declared them to be deer tracks. The second lawyer disagreed, insisting they must be elk tracks.
They were still arguing when the train hit them.
The UN sponsored a competition on which nation can produce the best book on elephants.
The British submited a dry historical account "The Elephant and the British Empire."
The French submited a text "The Sensuality of the Elephant -- a Personal Account."
The Germans submited 47 Volumes entitled "An Elementary Introduction to the Foundation of the Science of the Elephant's Ear."
The Americans submited an article from "Money" magazine: "Elephants -- the Perfect Tax Shelter for the 80s"
Green-Peace submited a counter-entry "Elephants -- they're better than People"
The Russians submited a terse manuscript titled "The superiority of the Soviet Elephant"
And submited a poem "The Joy and Freedom Brought forth by the Soviet Elephant."
But the Japanese won with their Promotional Flier "We have no Elephants but wouldn't you want to buy a Honda instead"
According to the Knight-Ridder News Service, the inscription on the metal bands used by the U.S. Department of the Interior to tag migratory birds has been changed. The bands used to bear the address of the Washington Biological Survey, abbreviated, "Wash. Biol. Surv." until the agency received the following letter from an Arkansas camper: "Dear Sirs: While camping last week I shot one of your birds. I think it was a crow. I followed the cooking instructions on the leg tag and I want to tell you it was horrible."
What did the fish say when he hit a concrete wall?
→ "Dam".
- Boy: Dad, dad, there's a spider in the bath.
- Dad: What's wrong with that? You've seen spiders before.
- Boy: Yes, but this one is three feet wide and using all the hot water!
