Animal Jokes — most viewed jokes

- Doctor, Doctor I think I'm a snail

- Don't worry we'll soon have you out of your shell!

What do you get when you cross an Owl and a Rooster?
→ A cock that stays up all night.

What happened to the cannibal lion?
→ He had to swallow his pride!

A man swallowed a mouse while sleeping on the couch one day. His wife quickly called the doctor and said:

- Doctor, please come quickly. My husband just swallowed a mouse and he's gagging and thrashing about.

- I'll be right over - the doctor said.

- In the meantime, keep waving a piece of cheese over his mouth to try to attract the mouse up and out of there.

When the doctor arrived, he saw the wife waving a piece of smoked herring over her husband's mouth.

- Uhh, I told you to use cheese, not herring, to lure the mouse.

- I know, doc - she replied.

- but first I've got to get the darn cat out of him!

Why are men endowed with a half ounce more brains than dogs?
→ So they know not to embarrass themselves by humping women's knees at parties.

Tennessee folks make fun of their northern Virginian neighbors with this quip:

You know why birds fly upside down over Scott County, Virginia?
→ "Cause there ain't nothin' worth shittin' on up there!"

What insect can be spelled with just one letter?
→ Bee.

What do you get if you cross a snake and a pig?
→ A boar constrictor!

How do you know when there's a rabbit in your bed?
→ You can smell the carrots on his breath.

What do you call a Welshman who writes lots of letters?
→ Pen Gwyn!