Animal Jokes — most viewed jokes

What kind of leash should you buy for a Chihuahua?
→ A short one!

Did you here about the new dog breed of dog?

It's a cross between a Pittbull and a Collie.

First it bites off your leg, and then it runs for help.

Ten things a cat thinks about:

- I could have sworn I heard the can opener.

- Is there something I'm not getting when humans make noise with their mouths?

- Why doesn't the government do something about dogs?

- I wonder if Morris really liked 9-Lives, or did he have ULTERIOR motives?

- Hmmm ... If dogs serve humans, and humans serve cats, why can't we cats ever get these STUPID dogs to do anything for us?

- This looks like a good spot for a nap.

- Hey -- no kidding, I'm sure that's the can opener.

- Would humans have built a vast and complex civilization of their own if we cats hadn't given them a reason to invent sofas and can openers in the first place?

- If there's a God, how can He allow neutering?

- If that really was the can opener, I'll play finicky just to let THEM know who's boss!

Why is it that birds are quickly sold when they come up on the transfer market?
→ They tend to go cheep!

What do you call a man with a rabbit up his jumper?
→ Warren!

What book did the rabbit take on vacation?
→ One with a hoppy ending.

What did the pig call a manuscript?
→ A shoat story.

When should a mouse carry an umbrella?
→ When it's raining cats and dogs!

What is big, hairy and can fly faster than sound?
→ King Koncord.

Why was the centipede dropped from the insect football team?
→ He took too long to put his boots on!